To Live Again - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what fandom this was until I skimmed the other comments to see if someone had mentioned it. I’m not at all familiar with the Final Fantasy world or characters, so it definitely left for some confusion. I don’t think that it helped that there wasn’t much content for me to learn who was who, so I couldn’t seem to differentiate. I would definitely recommend detailing them a little more or adding a wee bit more backstory to help readers like me.

Other than that, I’m really intrigued as to where you plan on taking this. It has a lot of promise just within the first two chapters. I could feel the guilt Hikira was struggling with over Zack’s death and to be honest, I felt some of Cloud’s guilt too, even though it wasn’t focused on his perspective. There was an abundance of sadness and remorse split between the two, and I really appreciated how you immersed me into that. I also love Hikira as a character. The entire bar scene where she was like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and not even sorry made me laugh. It made her likable right out of the gate, really.

You finished on such a high note, too—with the line “they were his living legacy”—so I would love to see this expand more!

I have absolutely no idea what fandom this is from, but it's easy to jump into enough. It'd be nice to know maybe some background information about who is who, and who does what. Maybe some features, such as hair color or eye color for people like me who get very confused if there are just names and no physical descriptions.

Regardless, you do seem to have a talent for putting emotion into stories, which is easier said than done! So really great job on that. I really love the way the main character (sorry, I'm not sure if her name is Hikari is the main character or not) behaves and the way she inadvertently feels she caused Zack's death. This story needs more chapters, because I really need to know what happens next. Is there some sort of meeting and plan of attack? And what is the world like? I'm not very big on anime (or is this a game? Sorry! I'm not sure), but I really liked the way you wrote this. Nice job. c:

This was interesting, I do love final fantasy but unfortunately I don't know much about Zack. I love the layout, especially the video image.

However in the second chapter you said he took a beside Hikari and I think you meant he took a seat beside Hikari.

LSKDBJVOLQIERJBNLVQA MORE CLOUD. You're my new favourite person.

This is so sweet and heartbreaking all at the one time. Like Katie said, you really get the sense of Hikari's (or I assume it's Hikari anyway) involvement in Zack's death and it's really horrible to read at parts. I imagine that in a way, she blames herself more than Cloud does and from knowing how much Cloud blames himself, I totally get that she's tearing herself apart inside because of it.

Tifa is one of my all-time favourite Final Fantasy characters, behind Reno and Cloud so I'm super-stoked to find that you've set the second chapter in her bar because I totally knew she'd make an appearance. You keep her in character wonderfully, you get that really gentle and mischievous air from her - exactly like the Tifa I know and love.

they were his living legacy - this is such a simple little line but I think it's really powerful. Thinking about Zack sacrificing himself for Cloud and Hikari to survive is one thing, but adding that line in makes so much sense. They don't want to spend what he died for moping around because he died.

I'm really getting a sense of your main character and I'm really excited to see where you take this. Awesome start, I'll definitely be keeping up with this!

Concrit

"I'm a terrible person." She muttered - the period should be a comma and she should all be in lowercase.

“Even in the end, you still looked me in the eye and told me not to cry, that everything would be okay.” She whispered - same thing, period should be a comma and she should be lowercase

His sacrifice meant that her and Cloud could live. - I'd change her to she.

This seems like the start to a very good story! It's so sad to see that she blames herself for Zack's death, and you can tell even from this short opening that it really takes a toll on her character. Even though this was short, it serves as a great way to grab people's attention and hook them into the story by offering up all these little secrets that they will want to get details for. Great job!

I just stared at the gif for a minute straight. But I'm easily distracted like that. I think it's a great start to the story. I'm super curious to know all that happened that led to this!

I love it, dear. And I can't wait to read more and see the characters develop.