August 13th, 2016 at 09:35pm
Hey, here as the new judge for the "Do Whatever You Want" contest!
The first paragraph opening with questions was a really nice way to start, especially the very first one posed. Sometimes love surpasses reason and this is very telling of what's to come. His apparent slight infatuation with her, despite her having never given him the time of day, really seems to be an emphasis of that first line, and then how their relationship seems to speed up drastically the moment she grabbed his hand and led him into seclusion further heightens that. Without speaking to one another and only really exchanging vague looks, they both seem to have developed something that wasn't of any real substance other than what feelings they could conjure up by those looks.
I like how the beginning was in the moment and then you skip a rather lengthy piece of time in just a couple of narrative paragraphs, covering their relationship for a year until it suddenly tapers off when she breaks up with him - out of nowhere, so it seems. His desire to not give up was touching and when he went round to her place I was wondering who this Jake was, but thankfully it was just her brother.
The happy ending was a nice touch and I liked that it's more than just they got back together - she became his wife. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
You really created these people's entire life story in a small amount of words and it was really interesting to read. I liked that you chose to focus on certain moments instead of going into large amounts of detail on their entire lives. It was really interesting just getting to see the little snippets of their lives. It was interesting to see the progression from her not really acknowledging his existence to where they ended up in the end.
I really enjoyed that this had a happy ending. They had their conflicts and things weren't all sunshine and rainbows but they ended up together which was nice to read. I liked that you took it one step further and had them be married as opposed to get getting back together.
Well done!