Death Becomes You - Comments

Hey! I am finally getting around to your Mibba Halloween treat! Sorry it has taken me so long!

So, I only read the first two chapters of this story, but I really like it so far. I may read on when I have more time to do so! It has a lot of really cool suspense and mystery, and I find the plot idea to be very intriguing as well. I didn't really notice anything to criticize other than, I felt that the thing she said at the end of chapter two was a little unrealistic: it seems to me like a seven year old wouldn't be so naive about things like drugs and death.

Overall, I think this seems like a really good and interesting story. Keep up the good work!

I wouldn't want to think about my brother being tested in Purgatory instead of finding peace. But...he made his choice.

Wow! She didn't waste any time asking one of the major questions, did she? Can't blame her. I just can't wait until all is revealed. Lol. I'm curious, like a cat! (I'm slightly off my rocker at the moment because I am exhausted.) Anyhoodle, update as soon as you can!

...it never occurred to me that he could show himself as a woman, and I feel fooled for that. XD Nice touch! I also really liked the explanations here. The tests in Purgatory sound interesting!

Sad to know that her brother never stood a chance at life, though.

I know this comment is short, but I'm supposed to be getting ready for work, so I gotta run! But as always, I loved this. ^_^

Your descriptions are flawless. I'm in awe of how easy the first chapter flows. I can't wait to learn about the doors, although I'm sure they both represent Heaven and Hell, I'm not completely sold. And picking your own fate? I love it.

I'm so excited to start the next chapter, that I'm not even going to say anymore about the first.

Small typo: between the bodies crowing it.

I just had to look at how many chapters there are because I don't want this to end. I just want to read it start to finish, sadly, I know that's not going to happen right now...

I'm on chapter 4 and now I'm crying. The death of her mother is not an easy read.

I should probably say something about her saving her brother, but it's just such a... I don't even know. I have no words Nikki, none.

Chapter 5: another small typo: It's freezing gin here

This line, "I do not condone unnecessary human suffering." has me crying again, so you know.

And now I just read the rest of that paragraph. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT NO NO NO. I'm just going to go read now.

Another small typo(Chapter7): died thought

One thing I do have to say before I go on to chapter 10 is that you don't seem to convey what she's feeling. You just say it, which is completly fine, because it works. So jumping towards anger, as you've said in this authors note, is not really jumping. I feel that it does transistion smoothly. I do hope I'm not contridicting myself...

Chapter 10: you switched tenses here: "page. 639. She gently"

Chapter 13: “Why does this girl’s wants and concerns affect him?” - I think you mean "me" since Azrael is talking to himself here.

Also, I was almost really mad when you had her dad show up at first. But when she got to her room, I actually was really glad to see that he was there.

And I definitely want more chapters fom Azrael's point of view!

Chapter 14: "With fifteen brothers" should be fourteen, as there are only fifteen archangels and Azrael is one.

Small typo: his real imagine

I can't wait for your next chapter! I hope you don't take this down. I'm obviously subscribing and recommending.

Over all thoughts, it's incredible. I love how even though it deals with death, it's not really sad. I mean it is sad, but it doesn't linger.

I really want to know why she can see him and talk to him!

Well, the book was informative, if it's true...though she obviously has her doubts about whether that's what Azrael is actually doing and did with her family. It would be interesting for her to confront him, but I agree with her final thought--that he probably wouldn't answer honestly.

Congratulations on your job! And we can wait on updates if necessary, just please keep writing!

@ Lady Nikki Nightmare
A sequel! =D Well, you just brightened up my day. And I needed it, because I already know I'm getting some evil customers today.

I always count Lucifer as an archangel, even though I never refer to him as one in my own stories. I've read that he was once God's favourite, so it just makes sense. And you know what's funny? I've actually seen this website before! But because I was only researching the four angels that I use (Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, and Uriel) I never bothered to stop and read about the others. Such short-sightedness. I'm going to have to give them a better read later.

@ Haylie Jaed
There's a website I've been using that lists 14 archangels, and then I counted Lucifer too just for some darkness in the bunch (you know everyone has that black sheep.) I know the website is based on paintings, but still I have an idea for each of the angels... by the way there is a sequel to this, I'll announce it in the next chapter I post, but the next angel is Ariel: Archangel of the environment. :)

Congratulations on the new job!

I found this chapter (specifically the humour with the rude man!) to be pretty entertaining, but I also found it really interesting - in a way that I found myself saying, "I'd love to pick this girl's brain when it comes to angels."

I like using the archangels a whole lot in my writing. In fact, I currently have a trilogy planned where they are some of my main characters, so I've obviously had to research them a fair bit. That being said, nobody seems to agree on how many there are - three, four, seven. (I use four, just because it's my favourite number.) So when I read fifteen - fifteen! - it floored me, and I'd like to know more! XD

It made me want to do more research, which would usually be great. But I'm supposed to be NaNo-ing, and I'm writing aliens at the moment, not angels. <_<

Regardless, thank you for making me want to research the archangels all over again. =P And I loved the chapter!

I love the summary. It really sets up the story, and makes me interested in it. Not only does the summary do that, the title does to. It has a sort of ring to it that I like.

The way you wrote this is really strong, and the concept is très magnifique. I honestly like this story pretty well.

I really liked the premise of your story thus far. I especially loved that you depicted the Grim Reaper (I assume he’s the Grim Reaper?) in a way that didn’t require you to openly state what he is. You use similes and metaphors beautifully – they didn’t seem forced. At times your wording was a little awkward. I would read over the chapter aloud as it’s easier to pick up on awkward wording when you hear it spoken. I feel that the chapter could’ve been a little longer and that you could’ve gone into more depth about the environment of the characters, because I had difficulty picturing the scene at times. I really hope the story maintains it's originality.

I hope this was helpful. All the best.

Mm, well this was interesting. I never expected that the all-powerful Azrael might need to turn to a human for help. I liked it! XD And just like all old wise men, he didn't give the answer that Azrael was hoping for. Perfect. =P

I'd like to see more of what he does when Lane isn't around. I like that this chapter still left him looking mysterious, but still managed to give us a better glimpse at him regardless.

If you don't like "friend", I find that "companion" is often a suitable second. Although, I just read OvercastGirl's comment, and "Sinking" sounds pretty awesome! Moreso because of her reasoning. =D

@ OvercastGirl
I like that. The reasoning behind it is brilliant too, it fits so well. :) Thank you! Okay, so far you're my winner, although you're only the first suggestion.

What if you re-titled the chapter "Sinking". I feel like it's accurate because Azrael is an angel, so he flies. But, Lane is kind of dragging him down with his guilt about destroying her life.

This is so different from anything else I've ever read. I love the use of his name (I feel like I gained a little more knowledge because of it, honestly), and how his features change almost every time Lane sees him. The detail that you put into his appearance as well as his actions is excellent. Detail's something I've always been a pretty big sucker for. I don't think Lane's human, but if she is, she must have some special powers or something of the sort. Probably from her grandmother, I'm guessing, since that's where she got the onyx stone from in the first place. Maybe it was once used for magic, too? Maybe Azrael's old friend was the grandmother? Or maybe her someone (I'm still guessing grandmother, even though she was only mention once) was an angel? Hm...

WOW, let me just start off by saying your attention to detail is AMAZING. I'm honestly just in awe of the imagery you develop; it sets such an eerie, ghostly tone and I love it. the whole personification of Death you've created is so unique and refreshing to see. I like that he's calming and reassuring as opposed to the usual portrayal of the scary, menacing Grim Reaper.

as the plot starts to reveal itself, I'm becoming more and more intrigued. I love that there's a storyline involving gangs because that just makes the threat of death even more imminent. and my heart almost broke when Annie died, but I'm glad Lane was able to save her brother.

""you cannot save this one.” oh man, that line was heavy, definitely my favorite part of this story so far. I've only read the first four chapters, but I'm definitely subscribing to see what you have in store!

It's justice that Azrael has to wait, but unfortunately, that means we do, too! Lol. I just get more and more curious with each passing chapter. I am frustrated, but it's outweighed by my intrigue. I'm enjoying this and will continue on this journey with you for as long as you keep it going!

Lane's frustration mirrors mine, all right. Without doing anymore angel research, I am determined to figure out why she can see him. Another thought was that she can see him because she's already dead, but she thinks people around her can see her because that's the way she perceives the world - sort of like a Sixth Sense deal.

But then, I'm not sure on that either. Azrael was surprised the first time he realised she could see him, so I'm probably still wrong. =P But man, I love the guessing! XD Those are my favourite stories - the ones that have me thinking, guessing, trying to get things right!

Love, love, love this!

Like the previous chapter, this was amazing. My only complaint is that there is not more. I guess I will have to wait *sighs*. It's been a while since I read a captivating story on Mibba and I hope you manage to finish it. :D

I love this! It's just keeps getting better and better!! It's about time Az has to wait !! Beautifully written as always, can't wait to read the next instalment :)

I am sorry for your loss.. Death is a strange thing; I experienced death for the second time two months ago - my aunt died. She is up there looking over you and your family. :)

Also,

I love this. It's so captivating. Please update ASAP!