Opposites - Comments

  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

    Great Britain (UK)
    I'm here judging the one-shot section of my pre-writes contest! Cute

    I like the way that you describe the differences at the beginning, with the colours and the emotions and all of the stark contrasts between Adam and Amanda's characters as a whole. It does seem as if they shouldn't work but as you wrote, opposites often attract and I think that's something to do with curiosity. I don't get that aspect as much with Adam, but there are point in which I do think he's genuinely curious as to the differences, which is what pulls him to Amanda. The curiosity of learning about what she does and how they are different is only natural.

    I did find the ending slightly cliché, but maybe that's just because I'm not much of a person for romance and I can't say I've been in either situation so I can't relate personally to it. I'm going to assume that tohers can, so perhaps it's just me that thinks the ending is slightly cliché, I don't know. Either way, it ties everything up nicely and does give a sweet ending to what I thought was going to be a heartbreaking story.

    I noticed one thing grammar-wise while I was reading:

    - The sleeves of her black shirt were pulled back and I saw some scratches? - I can see what you're trying to do by having the question mark at the end, but it doesn't work grammar wise. It should just be a period.

    Aside from that, I didn't see anything worth mentioning. Lovely job!
    August 27th, 2014 at 12:38pm
  • silent hearts.

    silent hearts. (1050)

    United States
    This was...wow. I can't properly think of an adjective to describe how this makes me feel. Because I've been there, on both sides of it. Well, minus the romantic ending. That was one thing in particular I really respected; that it wasn't some over-romanticized and fake dramatic bullshit. It was very, very real. And it describes accurately how that bond of friendship even works - you and another person are never quite the same. But somehow it works.

    I really appreciated your characterization and sensory detail. The only thing that was frustrating/could be improved upon was that Adam did not develop nearly as much as Amanda did as a character. Maybe it was just because I identify better with her, but it seemed like he was almost a side character even though it was from his perspective.

    Grammatically and logically, it was very sound. As simple as they may sound, these are two things that are incredibly important to me, and you do it very well.

    Congrats on a great story! :)
    April 4th, 2014 at 02:46am