I Want You for the Rest of My Life - Comments

Well, i am enjoying the story, and don't really want to rewrite it. Sorry you find it flat, but i really put this on here for me to share something. this is obviously my first writing so i am still learning. maybe i will take this into consideration next time. it won't be perfect. thank you for commenting though. but don't comment if you are going to act like this is a shit story.

Okay so, I gave this story a shot and I'm going to give you an honest opinion. The good news is that the story has potential. First part of bad news is you've got a few errors here and there that spell check won't catch because they're real words, like in chapter 3 putting 'half way' instead of 'halfway'. Another instance is in chapter 5 going 'scoops my up' instead of 'scoops me up'. Those are all super quick fixes.

Another thing I think you should work on is dialogue. Most of it isn't bad, but sometimes some of it is a little oddly written or flat, such as how you sometimes overuse the word y'all. At one point Dunn uses it twice int he same sentence, which is weird both because the sentence becomes awkward, and also because I can't remember Dunn ever saying y'all. Another time is in chapter 8 her going 'I cannot lie to Jack', which while it's a correct sentence, it's just not how people usually talk. I recommend imagining the scene in your head, dialogue and all to see how the dialogue flows in your head.

My final advice on the 'bad news' side is that this plot, while not a plot I'm usually fond of, could have been well done if it didn't feel so rushed. I mean, this woman was with Johnny Knoxville for three years and they were engaged. She left him for a reason, a big one from the mild reference in the beginning, yet it took less than a week for her to get back with him. It took her less than a week to cheat on her boyfriend with Johnny. If you want to go down the cheating route, I just recommend having the story be a way slower pace than what you have ti as. Have build up and actually explain some of these plot points, like what exactly Johnny did back in the day to make her call off a three year relationship. Hell, even just explain the 'PJ' nickname more. You have it in there that it was her nickname for him, but not the meaning behind it or how it even came about. Make your reader get to know her, Jack and Johnny. Make them passionate about who she should be with. Make them care.