April 28th, 2014 at 08:43pm
Assuming you're not a native speaker, this was very good!
I've never actually heard this song, so I didn't really know what to expect. But I was pleasantly surprised. I found very little grammar mistakes, which was nice. I thought the story progressed a little fast, but hey, it's a oneshot. I appreciated the bit of background information as well. The only thing I didn't like was the formatting. It all seemed kinda squished and hard to read. And when a new person speaks, you're supposed to start a new paragraph. But other than that, it was very lovely one shot! Good job and good luck! :)
Thank you very much :D yeah I started to write recently so to become good you have to practice, and I'm working on it, haha I suck on english xD