Burn. - Comments

This is the first Knoxville fic I'm reading and I really like how you've characterised him! Enjoying the story so far. I've also read the comments below and agree regarding the sentence structure and use of italics, but generally I think you're doing great :)

Really looking forward to reading more!

I loved this chapter, because the interactions felt really real. Having that sort of work environment feels very real and I felt like I was right there with her. I don't think you fucked up the chapter, but I do think being half-asleep means you missed a few small things punctuation wise. Which, that's fine, it totally happens to everyone.

"Hey, Brice. This is Johnny. Look, um...I'm sorry that you had to see that. That was...I don't fucking know. I hope you'll call me when you get this message, if not, I'll just call you back later so we can talk, okay? I'm not mad. Just call me if you get the chance,"
That ending comma should be a period. There are a couple other examples, but that's the one my brain has latched onto right now.

@ royals_
No problem, and I totally understand! Every site has their own stuff, so it can be tricky navigating what's what on there. lol Every once and a while I confuse which type of coding the site uses in the stories, and then I end up having to edit.

I also understand wanting to use better vocabulary and stuff like that. I in particular have a problem using the verb 'dart' too much, so I have to keep an eye on that.

@ CallusedSilk
Thank you very much. :)

Thank you as well for the advice. I am still trying to get used to the functions on this site lol. :)

You're right about the sentences as well. I'm trying to use better vocabulary and stuff but thanks for pointing it out for me. :)

I'm glad you liked it!

Okay so, I am still enjoying the story, although some of the sentences this time were a little awkward.

She frowned the loose curls that stubbornly hung around her forehead as she tried to brush it away.

That sentence in particular looks like you started to write a different sentence and then changed your mind, but forgot to edit accordingly. Also, another piece of advice is that I recommend using italics instead of all caps for emphasis.

She knew that he was a normal person who put on his shoes like anybody else but because of that celebrity status, Brice knew that if she did well at this job , it would be a HUGE opportunity.

That sentence is a little bit of a run-on, so it probably should be edited to:

She knew that he was a normal person who put on his shoes like anybody else but because of that celebrity status; Brice knew that if she did well at this job, it would be a huge opportunity.

Another thing I'd advise is every once and a while try to change up sentence structure just a bit. Now, that all being said, I am enjoying the interactions between the characters. I'm also just enjoying the story in general.

@ CallusedSilk
Okay thanks for your feedback. I didn't mean to make it seem that way but thanks for pointing it out.

About the quotation marks, I didn't think it was that big of a deal but I'll make sure to double check next time.

@ royals_
There is a way to write it so that she acknowledges the fact that she does know who it is without seeming like she's fawning. The fact of the matter is that it comes across as her not knowing who she is at all.

I partially also pointed out the quotation mark styling, because I'm not 100% what mibba's rules are about the style you're currently using. I'm not trying to be annoying, but the dialogue rules only show the 'American' style as correct. I'd just advise double checking that this style would be considered correct on this site.

@ CallusedSilk
Hi! Thanks for commenting!
Okay, my character not acknowledging his stardom is more of a professional stance instead of someone who is a fan. At least, that's how I wanted it to seem. :) So she does know who he is, I just didn't want her to seem like she's going to be falling out because it was Johnny Knoxville lol. It just wanted it to seem like a legit job interview.

Second, I am doing it on purpose. I just think it looks better, I know it's not grammatical correct in the US :) I actually picked it up from a friend who I used to write with and she used to do the same, so I kinda stuck with it. Lol. But yeah, it's on purpose.

Thanks again for being my first commenter! :D

Okay so I am intrigued by this story and how this will be handled. So far this does seem really interesting, but I do have a couple questions?

Are we pretending in this story that Johnny Knoxville is a normal CEO guy that never did Jackass or something? Because otherwise, wording it like she doesn't know who Johnny is (or at least that's how it seemed) is just weird.

Also, I saw that on your profile, you're in the United States, but I'm not sure if you're from the United States? That seems like a weird question, I know, but I'm only asking, because you're not using the American style of quotation marks. American style is the double quotes, so it'd be, "Congratulations on getting hired," instead of 'Congratulations on getting hired.' I was just wondering if you purposely were using another country's style of writing on purpose or if it was a grammatical error on your part.