I'm here (finally!) judging the entries for my An Album of Inspiration contest!
Layout and Summary
LOVE the layout. It's so simple and lovely and just works in so well with the album you chose! The only issue I have is with the red writing, it messes with my eyes a little bit, but that could just be the fact that I refuse to wear my glasses so I wouldn't dwell too much on that. Using a quote from a song as the summary is pretty cool, especially that one. It makes me wonder what the main character will be like and what the story as a whole is going to focus on.
Content
Right from the outset, I like Parker. She's got this really fiery personality, but you can also see that kind of sensitive side to her as well, especially when she talks to Adam in the second chapter. I like characters like that, the ones that seem very real. I think that almost every person, no matter how tough they pretend to act, has that soft side to them and I'm glad you decided to show that other side, rather than just having Parker as tough as nails and almost unrealistic.
I'm getting little sense of the plot itself right now, but from what I can get from it so far, you're going a different route from most of the other American Idiot album fics that I've read, which is nice! Usually most of them have deadbeat characters, which is nice but it can get a little boring. The fact that Parker has a job and her own house just gives it this little fresh breath of air, as silly as that sounds. You're doing something interesting and new with the album, which is pretty damn awesome!
Constructive Criticism
Noticed a few things, nothing major.
[chapter one] Parker Jo Lewis did not one to be one of them -- I think one should be want?
[chapter two] with now way out his -- now should be no.
The only recurring issue I noticed was with dialogue. When following a piece of dialogue with a tag (he said, she said, etc.) you should always ensure that the beginning of the dialogue tag isn't capitalised. You do this on most occasions, but I noticed a few times where you've got the character asking a question and the he or she is capitalised. Just watch out for that when you're writing because unless the sentence after the dialogue is completely separate, the first word should always be all in lowercase! There are only one or two instances of it in this, so I'd maybe give it a quick read over and pick those out. It's a simple fix, doesn't take away from the story too much either!
Overall
This is a good start. As I said, it really is refreshing to see a story that doesn't stick to the usual plot as the other AI fics on here! Your main character is well-fleshed out, even after only a few chapters and your grammar / spelling errors are minimal at best. You're doing a great job so far!
January 23rd, 2015 at 02:56pm
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Comments
Layout and Summary
LOVE the layout. It's so simple and lovely and just works in so well with the album you chose! The only issue I have is with the red writing, it messes with my eyes a little bit, but that could just be the fact that I refuse to wear my glasses so I wouldn't dwell too much on that. Using a quote from a song as the summary is pretty cool, especially that one. It makes me wonder what the main character will be like and what the story as a whole is going to focus on.
Content
Right from the outset, I like Parker. She's got this really fiery personality, but you can also see that kind of sensitive side to her as well, especially when she talks to Adam in the second chapter. I like characters like that, the ones that seem very real. I think that almost every person, no matter how tough they pretend to act, has that soft side to them and I'm glad you decided to show that other side, rather than just having Parker as tough as nails and almost unrealistic.
I'm getting little sense of the plot itself right now, but from what I can get from it so far, you're going a different route from most of the other American Idiot album fics that I've read, which is nice! Usually most of them have deadbeat characters, which is nice but it can get a little boring. The fact that Parker has a job and her own house just gives it this little fresh breath of air, as silly as that sounds. You're doing something interesting and new with the album, which is pretty damn awesome!
Constructive Criticism
Noticed a few things, nothing major.
[chapter one] Parker Jo Lewis did not one to be one of them -- I think one should be want?
[chapter two] with now way out his -- now should be no.
The only recurring issue I noticed was with dialogue. When following a piece of dialogue with a tag (he said, she said, etc.) you should always ensure that the beginning of the dialogue tag isn't capitalised. You do this on most occasions, but I noticed a few times where you've got the character asking a question and the he or she is capitalised. Just watch out for that when you're writing because unless the sentence after the dialogue is completely separate, the first word should always be all in lowercase! There are only one or two instances of it in this, so I'd maybe give it a quick read over and pick those out. It's a simple fix, doesn't take away from the story too much either!
Overall
This is a good start. As I said, it really is refreshing to see a story that doesn't stick to the usual plot as the other AI fics on here! Your main character is well-fleshed out, even after only a few chapters and your grammar / spelling errors are minimal at best. You're doing a great job so far!