Her Silver Chain - Comments

I only found this version now. And I can't believe my eyes. I'm expecting more from you.

I can beg for an update, right?
This is my way of begging you.

That was a really short read. Normally it's effective but for me, it felt like something was missing in the chapter. I think a little bit more of detail, narrative, anything could have helped me connect better with what's being told. I also wasn't quite sure what was going on. Who is "her"? Who is "Havoc"? What significance does the narrator have to them both? I guess that's not something to be answered right now, as only this one chapter is for the contest. It does well to entice the reader, though, because I do want to know the answers to my questions and what exactly all the narrative is about. So well done for that.

I also have to agree with charity. The stark white font against the black background did not go well with my eyes.

First of all, I think the use of the poem as the summary is very clever. It draws me right into the story and I just wanted to read more, to find out what the story is really all about. And I'm not disappointed.

Your words just bring the readers straight into the world where your story is set in and into Mia's mind and it is brilliant! And I agree with Mandie here. The chapter was intense and captivating. I was actually slightly disappointed to see that it was really quite short. I just wanted to read more, to know more about everything, about Mia, about Havoc, about the gang. And I don't usually read gang stories.

One thing though, I do think that white font against black background is a little hard on the eyes. But that could just be me though.

All in all, I think you did a good job with this story!

Wow! I really loved that poem! It was so raw and full of emotion. The banner and layout mesh really well together and drew me right in.

I like how intense the chapter was. Right from the beginning I could feel the pain behind the writing. This is really interesting and it had me wanting to read more. As always your writing has a certain uniqueness to it and anytime I read your stories I always know they will never disappoint and will be a great, enthralling read.

I adore the poem.
I adore the layout.
I adore the chapter.
This is seriously amazing. :)