The Miserable Life of Lux Day - Comments

The date chapter had me feeling all types of eh, 'cause I've done that as well. Also your little apology is cute! So I honestly don't have to say anything about your vocab, or any grammar issues because they've been edited

But I will say I've always loved the way you narrate things. Like, for example, the lip biting thing! Oh my Lordt! It brought back memories of my own and I just couldn't handle it. Its the flow of the whole story that has me still here. There were some chapters where I had to stop and take a moment, when I tell you that you have a way with words...you do!

Can I beg for an update???

This is really interesting. I like that you were able to make a complete story using only prompts and not having any fillers between that. One thing I really liked is how it was able to flow, but there wasn't a lot to read. It's very reminiscent of a diary. Somehow I wish the layout was more reflective of that, since I had to switch it off because of the white on black; but overall, this was really nicely written (:

This is an interesting story. I liked that you made a chaptered story from the prompts, it seems like it makes it more of a challenge.

I would have liked to see more character development. I feel like I don't know your characters too terribly well, especially Lux, and I would have liked to see more of her personality. I also feel like their relationship was a bit rushed, which I kind of understand with the way that Aaron is, but I would have liked to see what develop a bit more as well. And I'm a sucker for description, so I always want more of that as well. Just my opinion though!

Some things I found:

Chapter 1:
He was my the sweetest guy I had ever met.
I feel like “my” isn’t supposed to be there.

Chapter 2:
He stared at me with a smirk on face, like he was enjoying seeing me so embarrassed on the floor picking up the pieces.
There should be a “his” between “smirk on” and “face”

Chapter 3:
and to think I was taking care of my teeth…they still weren’t that white.
This sentence felt awkward to me. Maybe adding an “even though” after “think” and before “I was” might help?

We had never talked for anything else than him ordering drinks so he took me by surprise.
The way you worded this felt a bit awkward as well. It was mostly the “anything else than him:” part.

Chapter 6:
My cheeks were a bit rosy a bit and my perfume was perfect; it was the pheromone style of Black Onyx which I adore.
You had “a bit” twice in this sentence.

I felt angry with myself for being with him till now while not remembering what happened and letting a small, sick kitty starving.
‘Starving” should be “starve”

Chapter 8:
Now I have to care for the small cat like if she was my child.
It should either be “as if she was my child” or just “like she was my child”. Having like and if sounds awkward.

Chapter 9:
My parents still kept my room as it was for when I’d graduate from university as a dental technician.
“For when I graduate” instead of “for when I’d graduate”.

Chapter 10:
It was like I was a newborn child without being able to speak yet.
Should be “that wasn’t able to speak yet”.

Chapter 12:
‘’You don’t only know my number, you know and where I live now?’’
"You know where I live now too?" instead of "you know and where I live now".

Chapter 13:
I was wide awake thanks to my mother telling me something about winning the lottery accidentally but most of her words I didn’t listen.
"But I wasn't listening to what she was saying" instead of "but most of her words I didn't listen".

I straightened my hair perfect and then took a few front bits and clipped them back, while the rest of my dark hair fell lankly down the sides of my face.
"Perfect" should be "perfectly"

Chapter 14:
Tonight Aaron wasn’t working so once I was off from work he grabbed my hand and took me home to change my clothes so he could take me out.
This sentence seems a bit run on-y.

Chapter 15:
I wanted to build a relationship of trust, love, and care so we hadn’t had sex yet, even though I craved for him.
"Care" should be "caring".

This chapter also seemed to jump around quite a bit which made it a little hard to follow.

Chapter 17:
‘’Do not lie to me; her hair are all over my sheets
"Her hair is" instead of "her hair are".

Chapter 19:
He made my blood freeze and caused m to remember the one thing I wanted to forget the most in my miserable life.
"M" should be "me".

Chapter 21:
I wished to no one to go through that pleasuring torture that made me a living mess, disgusted with myself because I felt good at his cruel hands.
"I wished for no one" instead of "I wished to no one" and "felt good in" instead of "felt good at".

Chapter 23:
It was like I knew hell was gonna break loose in earth any minute now.
"In earth" should be "on earth".

Chapter 25:
Then I went to the kitchen and made two omelets one sweet for me and one with a bit more pepper for him.
There should be a comma after "omelets" before "one".

Of course, everything is just my opinion, so take what you want from it! It's a very interesting story so far, and I wish you luck writing the rest!

Aaron needs to get off his high horse and make Lux happy! :@ Also, to answer her question, I just think that everything is possible. I can't wait to see how the two of them will end up. c:

Aaron needs to get off his high horse and make Lux happy! :@ Also, to answer her question, I just think that everything is possible. I can't wait to see how the two of them will end up. c:

As always, this update was great! Keep it up!

Thanks for updating! Loved it, even with the short chapter. I thought it added to the next chapter.
Thanks for the shout-out. I'm glad things are getting better, hopefully things keep getting better.

Maria. I'm really not sure what to think of Aaron. But if I be honest, I really don't support their relationship. :(
But I'm glad you're updating! That's so great! Welcome back!

So happy to know you are going to finish this story! Loved the new chapter!
So sorry to here about your current situation though.

Alrighty, at long last, the Great Ween Lord Tipsy is here! Haha.
Okay so I read all 22 chaps in one go, and you need to give me a hug for that. This is so well written! I love the start. And then, you have a fellow manga freak who can totally say this was inspired by Haou Airen slightly, and that Aaron resembles Hakuron in a way. (:
I know you really like Hakuron, and you also have a thing for tragedies, which is making me kind of scared...making me feel that Aaron might end up dying... Forgive me for being presumptuous!
As per the writing, I totally loved your style in this. And if it wasn't for the last chapter, I would've sincerely wished for Lux to kill Aaron like Mia did in Bad Wine. Haha. I bet she'll give him another chance! Act brainless when she should call the cops. But well, I'm not assuming, and will wait for you to update!
Very well written. Really liked this!

She can't really live him back, can she? After everything he has done and put her through?! He's freaking crazy. She needs to get out and call the cops.

CAAAAAANDY BOOOOOOWL~
Oooookay, so first of all, just wanted to say that I really love this layout and the gif and the colors and that it's using prompts for the entire story. I love it so far and it's just really quick and intoxicating and I really, really like Lux and her thought process and I really like Aaron and the way he's written. I love your ability to spin a wheel of setting and emotions in just a few short paragraphs. That's seriously captivating. I'm definitely going to keep reading the rest of this story. Keep on keeping on, darling!

Candy bowl!!! So I wasn't too sure about this story, but after reading the first few chapters I totally changed my mind!! I love that all of the chapters are based off of prompts, first of all, because that must be a really challenging thing to do!! I can't imagine planning what I want to say every single time around one or two sentences. That takes a lot of talent to do, and you definitely have it! Second, I like that the chapters are sort of short, but just long enough. The length kept me captivated and made me click to see the next chapter because I really wanted to know what was going to happen next! Third, I really love the plot, too. The way it unfolds is so interesting, and Lux is such a likeable narrator! I loved this; keep up the good work!

Candy bowl! I think it's awesome that you're writing this story, adhering to writing prompts. That's a really good idea. I also like how each chapter got a little bit longer. It started out short, but became longer each time. I think you have a good writing style and don't let anyone tell you different. Good job on this! :) Happy Mibbaween!

So happy you didn't give up on this! Love it!

I rarely ever comment on any stories, but fuck... I am so in love with your work; you're a fanfuckingtastic writer! Please update soon!

I am really wondering what's gonna happen next. What will Lux do? And what will Aaron say? I can't wait to see them fighting for real. hint-hint, add a fight somewhere? Loved the update. :)

#1: your layout is beautiful. I absolutely love the banner and the colors. I also like that this is based off writing prompts. The first chapter was short, and to the point. It also makes me want to read the House of Night series more now.

You definitely nailed the second prompt. I like how your character messed up because of fear and then his watching her in the end.

The third installment, even though you were the bad guy, you wrote the shock and sadness well. I can almost imagine your character getting angry about it the next day.

I love how you made this work with the third installment more. I also like the idea of the guy standing her up sending her weird gifts like a heart shaped rock in the mail. I have five ceramic teddy bears that spell out 'Nikki' that my dad sent me though the mail when I was little. They remind me of the cubes your character guy.

I love the way you write. It's descriptive and beautifully thought out. And to keep this from going too much over 200 words, I'll just say that each installment of this gets better and better. You do such wonderful work with it. :)

I'm so happy you updated!!! I thought that maybe you lost interest and decided to call quits. Loved this update, but feel SO bad for her. Her life really is miserable.
Have a great vacation!