March 11th, 2015 at 01:23am
I would recommend you work on formatting your dialogue because you use a lot of full stops (or periods) when you should be using commas. There's a great tutorial on Mibba here that you might find useful!
I think you did well at establishing the relationship between your two main characters right off the bat, and it's obviously setting your story up for a lot of drama and some reconciling that your subscribers will no doubt enjoy reading.
I would also suggest you do a little bit of research before diving into something like a plane crash so you can make your story more believable, whether it's what the pilot broadcasts to his passengers, what it feels like as the plane is going down, and their windows. A plane has very strong double-paned windows and there is no way throwing a suitcase would be able to shatter one. Also, every plane has at least one emergency exit to use so you don't have to try to squeeze through a window that is far too small to actually squeeze through. Details like this will help you write descriptions to develop your story and keep your readers interested.
That being said, you did end the first chapter well by having your character emerge from the wreckage and thinking he was all alone. You did a lot of establishing in your first chapter which is what you want, so I'm sure you are able to catch people's attention with this story.
I liked it a lot, especially the part when Kellin is dancing around his fire yelling about how awesome it is and how warm he'll be. I like how you brought them together, slowly at first, and then all at once. It's really sweet.
I noticed a few things as well, just a few misspelled words. While these aren't a big deal, they can often throw off the reader. (Depending on the word, really) Other than that, great job! I've heard of the band before, but I've never seen pictures of Vic. But the way you described him, I really didn't need to. Great job!