Flight K-35542 - Comments

  • WhereMyDemonsHide

    WhereMyDemonsHide (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    OMFG Great job! I was freaking out there towards the end, cause I was like "Vic's totally fine." And then he got worse... Thank goodness he made it, though! I would have felt so bad for Kellin if he hadn't, after all they've been through. (Ok, end of fangirl sequence)

    I liked it a lot, especially the part when Kellin is dancing around his fire yelling about how awesome it is and how warm he'll be. I like how you brought them together, slowly at first, and then all at once. It's really sweet.

    I noticed a few things as well, just a few misspelled words. While these aren't a big deal, they can often throw off the reader. (Depending on the word, really) Other than that, great job! I've heard of the band before, but I've never seen pictures of Vic. But the way you described him, I really didn't need to. Great job! Mr. Green
    March 11th, 2015 at 01:23am
  • Queen of the Clouds

    Queen of the Clouds (4955)

    :
    Admin
    Gender:
    Age:
    30
    Location:
    New Zealand
    At the end of your first paragraph you wrote "examinating" but that isn't a word - I think you meant "examining" there.

    I would recommend you work on formatting your dialogue because you use a lot of full stops (or periods) when you should be using commas. There's a great tutorial on Mibba here that you might find useful! Cute

    I think you did well at establishing the relationship between your two main characters right off the bat, and it's obviously setting your story up for a lot of drama and some reconciling that your subscribers will no doubt enjoy reading.

    I would also suggest you do a little bit of research before diving into something like a plane crash so you can make your story more believable, whether it's what the pilot broadcasts to his passengers, what it feels like as the plane is going down, and their windows. A plane has very strong double-paned windows and there is no way throwing a suitcase would be able to shatter one. Also, every plane has at least one emergency exit to use so you don't have to try to squeeze through a window that is far too small to actually squeeze through. Details like this will help you write descriptions to develop your story and keep your readers interested.

    That being said, you did end the first chapter well by having your character emerge from the wreckage and thinking he was all alone. You did a lot of establishing in your first chapter which is what you want, so I'm sure you are able to catch people's attention with this story.
    March 6th, 2015 at 05:46am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ h3arts0nfir3
    Thanks to you!xxxx
    Check my other fics if you want!
    January 22nd, 2015 at 01:25pm
  • h3arts0nfir3

    h3arts0nfir3 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    Jersey
    this was great tysm:)
    January 22nd, 2015 at 05:45am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ HelloMissLady7
    :D!!!!!
    January 21st, 2015 at 05:11am
  • HelloMissLady7

    HelloMissLady7 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Argentina
    Omg! yaaaasssssss!!!!
    January 21st, 2015 at 03:41am
  • HelloMissLady7

    HelloMissLady7 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Argentina
    Omg! yaaaasssssss!!!!
    January 21st, 2015 at 03:40am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ Kellicxo
    You're welcome :)
    January 18th, 2015 at 03:30pm
  • Kellicxo

    Kellicxo (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    THA K YOU OMG
    January 18th, 2015 at 06:13am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ Kellicxo
    Sorry :( or not... Cool
    January 15th, 2015 at 11:32pm
  • Kellicxo

    Kellicxo (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    STOP KILLING ME OMG
    January 15th, 2015 at 11:29pm
  • Kellicxo

    Kellicxo (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    IT DIDNT SUCK AT ALL, IT JUST HURT MY FEELS.
    January 14th, 2015 at 06:04pm
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ FunxMistakes
    SORRRRY :(
    January 14th, 2015 at 12:24am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ Kellicxo
    SORRY IF THIS UPDATE SUCK :((
    January 14th, 2015 at 12:18am
  • FunxMistakes

    FunxMistakes (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    France
    SO THIS IS GETTING INTENSE AND MY FEELS ARE NOW EVERYWHERE
    January 14th, 2015 at 12:11am
  • Kellicxo

    Kellicxo (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    Wow please hold on Vic
    January 13th, 2015 at 11:24pm
  • HelloMissLady7

    HelloMissLady7 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Argentina
    De nada señorita :)
    January 7th, 2015 at 02:40am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ HelloMissLady7
    Gracias chica ♡
    January 7th, 2015 at 02:33am
  • HelloMissLady7

    HelloMissLady7 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    Argentina
    Oh, pobres Kell y Vic :c
    Me encanta la trama de esta historia.
    January 7th, 2015 at 02:30am
  • maudaah

    maudaah (215)

    :
    Class of 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Canada
    @ nearly witches.
    Wow thank you so much for this lovely comment and advices :) I really appreciate it! I hope the crash didin't scare you too much haha! Happy new year to you ♡
    January 1st, 2015 at 05:59pm