August 14th, 2014 at 01:36am
Oh sweet Jesus this is the sweetest thing I've read in my life. It had me awing the entire way through the first read.
I absolutely love your descriptions.
But we were small town people with small town lives and nothing extraordinary was ever going to happen to us. We were destined to finish school, get a job at the gas station and complain about the shitty pay until we quit, then rot in our graves. He blatantly ignored my pessimism and continued to dream.
That really got to me. Wow that is a great line. It rings so true and I can personally relate to it. Plus, the word choice is great, concise and easily understood. There's power in your simplicity.
His crow’s feet turned into proper laugh lines
This put a picture in my head. It’s indirect characterization in a perfect example. I absolutely adore these characters you’ve created.
Throughout the entire story there’s this cutesy flow and it makes me feel so warm on the inside. It’s concise and cohesive—which is one of my favorite things in a story.
Oh and one more thing I really, really liked
“I love you, too.” He’d say once he was finished and then he’d take the smoke out of my lips and throw it on the ground, stomping on it. He’d then kiss my acid lips and inhale my sour breath.
Acid breath. Who thinks of that? What does it mean? That’s a beautiful line.
Thank you for the comment swap, I absolutely loved this story and it’s definitely getting a rec. I’ll read the other story sometime tomorrow. And thank you for your comments on my story dear (:
I love the way you describe things because I can just see them in my head and that's the best.
You write beautifully.