Orion's Eyes - Comments

Hallo~ I’m here to judge for the ‘Pick and Choose’ contest.

This was such a lovely one-shot, like wow. I’m a sucker for stars/astrology and often see poetry in it, so I love when people write about characters with a passion for it. I was just 100% sold when I read your status thing, oops.

There was actually so much emotion in this. You managed to show me the relationship the narrator had with her mother, her father, her grandmother and the stars all in a little less than two thousand words—which was a talent in itself. I think because of this, you managed to go through such a spectrum of emotions that I felt. I was sad about the narrator’s parents, I was sad when her mother sent her to live with her grandmother, but then I was happy and relieved when she started to find her life. It was bittersweet when she left and god, the line Leaving was the only thing I had ever had in common with my father. was weighted and packed a punch. And then I totally deflated when her grandmother died. That sadness was so deep and resonating.

I definitely did think this was going to be a love story, like you were going to personify Orion in some human way, and I wasn’t wrong, it was, but I love how it was a different kind of love story. It was a love story in the sense that the stars—and Orion—comforted the narrator at her time of need, every time. It was like having the consistent, unwavering promise that the stars would always be there when no one else was. I loved that. And I kind of loved that Orion was the only name given to the readers. Something about that made it more poignant. I was connected to the narrator on a very deep and personal level, but she was nameless. Everyone was, except for Orion—which also personified Orion in a way. It made this a love story. It made it subtly intimate.

I just loved all of this altogether. It was beautiful, emotional, and very well-written. Fantastic job!

This is a beautiful piece! You packed so much emotion into this! I really like the narration and how the central focus is the comfort that the stars give the narrator. I thought this was going to be some kind of love story, and it is, just not in the way that I expected. I really enjoy how the first half of this is broken up into these moments and observations. It really emphasized how alone the narrator feels and the only comforts she really has is the stars and her grandmother. This was just excellent from start to finish, and I'm really glad that I got the chance to read this! You write beautifully!