Tangled Up in You - Comments

  • Ovie8

    Ovie8 (100)

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    24
    Location:
    Canada
    That was very good. I admire the way you portrayed the interaction between Ally and Hayley, and I really like the fact that you got at least a little bit of hockey into the story too. If I had to pick one thing about the story that I didn't like, it would have to be the way you crammed the plot in. Don't get me wrong, it was a great plot, and I loved it, however I feel like you tried to cram the entire thing into a story that didn't have enough words to support it, and it got worse when the romance began to heat up. I think you came into the story with the intention of placing a lot of focus on the romance, and going into great detail on the subject, and it left me feeling a bit blank on the rest of the night. Having said that, it was a great story with a great plot, great grammar, and three really likable characters. I also appreciate the fact that you tried to be different and include images to help the reader along. Overall I enjoyed the story quite a bit! Thank you so much for entering, and I'll have an update for you later today probably. Thanks :)
    July 2nd, 2014 at 01:23am
  • Thatmom

    Thatmom (100)

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    48
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    United States
    This is great!!! You really should continue writing this into a full story
    June 22nd, 2014 at 07:19pm