The Lost Boys - Comments

The first thing I noticed about the chapter was the two little sections. It's always interesting when a story does that, which I don't normally see on here, and even in the novels that I read, because I think that it gives the reader a main theme that the section is trying to give. Well, maybe not exactly the theme, but I feel like it's the word prompt that inspired the section, you know? Now that makes a lot more sense I guess.

I really like, in the voices section, how he explained The Draw in such detail. It's really cool that it waas mentioned in the beginning of the novel so the reader would have some idea of what the kids do in their spare time. But even though it was talked about, I feel like there is so much more informatioin about it that we don't know about it.

What I like about the chapter as well, and I like a lot of things in this story so far, is how much, like I said before, information was left out. Like what exactly happened to him. Where are his friends? Why are there people asking him questions? I mean, I feel like he was caught by the government or something, but I can't be sure because it doesn't really say. If it does, though, then I just don't remember.

Anyway anyway, before I continue going on and on, I want to say that I really enjoy this story so far even though it's just one chapter. I don't have anything bad to say about it or anything that confused me about it so far, which is why I haven't mentioned any advice to change anything. I think it's amazing!

The layout is so simple but pretty, which I love. I'm not a fan of layouts that have too much going on in them.

I actually own this album, so I'm excited to see how the album feels with the story. I'm actually going to put the album on while I read, and see how I feel because of it.

Getting to the chapter, I love the start to the story. It's gripping enough to make me want to read on. The idea of light vs dark has always been one that interest me in stories.

I love that the story is like a delve into the senses of Dustin, it really gives the story a natural feel and enables me to understand more about Dustin's character.

I must say this entire story is so intriguing, very Fight Club-y in a way if you understand what I mean. Fight Club is one of my all time favourite movies, so that's a big compliment anyway. I think there's more coming from the unanswered question that ends the chapter and the authors note. I must say that I can't way to read more, and see just how well it compliments the album.

I'm not very good with long detailed comments, just so you know. But anyway, I'm immediately intrigued by the fact that Dustin is injured and I want to know why. I want to know who the men are and why he's in an interrogation room. Then, they start questioning him and things become a bit clearer, yet some questions that I as a reader have are left unanswered. So of course now I'm curious and have to subscribe and get those answers. =) I want to know what The Draw is and why exactly Dustin is there being interrogated (obviously for answers about The Draw, but what brought him to this point?).

This is very well-written and any grammar mistakes were minor, nothing that would divert attention from the story itself. Just a few tense switches and these two questions--"So why did you partake in this draw if you knew how dangerous it was. Why did anyone get involved."--ending in periods instead of question marks.

Thank you for sending this to me! I look forward to more!

Comment swap!

Thoughts While Reading
Right off the bat you have me wondering what is going on with Dustin. The way you describe the marks on his body is so detailed that it's like I can just envision the pain he is feeling. It really makes me wonder what happened to make him get like that and I hope I'll find out!

So now I see that he is an interrogation room of sorts and the mirror he is looking at is one of those two way mirrors. Now I'm even more interested in what happened to him since it has to be something good.

"The Draw" sounds so creepy the moment that Dustin says the name. It sounds like some creepy cult or game, and I'm interested to have him explaining it. It kind of reminds me of fight club or some weird underground fighting ring.

Characters
Dustin is a very intriguing character. We really don't get to know a lot about him, so we're left guessing what his life is like and what his parents are like and everything outside of the draw. I wonder what brought him to do the draw aside from the "live forever" thing. I feel like he has something he wants to prove to himself, but I think that could only really be discovered as his character develops in future chapters.

Dustin is really the only character we really get a glimpse of, but I think there will be more characters to get to know in future chapters that will help push the story forward.

Plot:
I think the plot idea of this sounds incredible. For some reason, it gives me vibes from Hunger Games and The Purge. Like a mix of both with a big twist. I think the draw is such a interesting concept, and it really has so many elements to it that make a great story: the violence, the mystery, the potential for disaster. There are so many opportunities for this plot that is really just wide open.

Overall
This was very interesting to read and it really kept me wondering and guessing! You are a wonderful writer! I know you said you have grammar errors, but I didn't really see any in this story. I think this story has a lot of promise and there are many places that you could go with it. I am wondering whether this first chapter will be a flashback and we'll see how Dustin got to be there or if the future chapters will just be the aftermath of this incident. I think you can't go wrong either way! This story is great and I can't wait to learn more about Dustin and the draw in future chapters.

Comment swap:
Ok first thing. I really like the name Dustin, plain simple and awesome. The prologue starts out great. You have no idea where he is, what happened and what will happen. That suspense will keep people reading. I also like that you told us a lot, even before much happens.

Love this sentence bit: staring out at their son horrified as to what truths the light had uncovered.

Amazing concept this 'Draw' thing. I know you want criticism and feedback but I can just say that I love this story and I do not have much to add to it. I am so sorry.

Hi there! *Comment Swap*
This story is fabulous, one of the most unique things on this site. I'm already wondering what The Draw is and how Dustin planned to live forever. I think you have already portrayed him as an intriguing character. There is so much to look forward to in this story. I can relate this to a manga called the Tokyo Crazy Paradise that had an event of this sort in it (though we don't really know what the Draw is).
Another character I'm looking forward to is the man questioning Dustin. I hope he isn't just a minor character.
I didn't notice any mistake in grammar, so great job on that one. The description was lovely and the story line amazing. Definitely recommending and subscribing! I hope you keep up the excellent work. :)

Right off the bat, this story is interesting. What happened to Dustin that has caused him to be so injured? Why is he in a questioning room? Already with just three paragraphs, this story has captured my attention and I need to read more. I could imagine being in Dustin's position with losing all of his thoughts as soon as it was his turn to speak, that's how I feel giving presentations.

Is The Draw like The Hunger Games? I don't personally think so because it seems like it's a boxing match which would make this so cool because I love reading fight scenes like that. Now that I'm reading further, I see that it's kind of like a fight club. The secrecy, the meetings. It's all so thrilling. I wonder what happened to him and his friends. What was there plan to live for ever. Gah! So many questions for this story and so much to look forward to already!

Other than this amazing plot that is already drawing me in as a reader, your story is amazingly well written with an already wonderful character. I would have liked to see a bit more description of what was around him and how the man with the whitening hair looked (personally, I like when characters have certain traits that set them apart). Anything like that can only help to improve this story (though I don't think it needs all that much improvement).

Definitely subscribing and recommending this!

swapperoooo~

let me just say that the mylo xyloto is my fav coldplay album ever & i adore the layout!

your imagery & way of describing the whole of this story is absolutely intoxicating. 'dusting closed his eyes again & stared at the back of his eyelids' -- like wow, what a great sentence. i really adored this. it's like the opening scene to some great movie that just has your mind boggled with questions & you're awaiting so much more. great job on this & good luck on the story!

Comment Swap! :D

Well, I think this is off to an interesting start. The title made me think of Peter Pan and the fact that The Draw is simply called The Draw made me think of the Hunger Games. This isn't a bad thing because I like when stories remind me of other things. Your use of diction put many images in my head, making your imagery remarkable. I felt like I was watching a movie. There are enough details to give readers an idea about The Draw but then not enough to give a good mystery to your story. This is an excellent prologue!

Only two nit-picks. In the paragraph where the men asked many questions, some of them end with periods when they should end with question marks. Also, in the third to last paragraph, the POV switches to first. I was confused for a second when I read it.

Overall, this is very intriguing. I'm definitely subscribing :)