The Pie Hole - Comments

Now this was really awesome! I'm looking forward to more, real soon! Please?
I like Carmen, and definitely Ned too. That's one heck of a power he has. Update soon! ^_^

As a big fan of Pushing Daisies and not a big fan of fan fiction, I have to admit that I wasn't expecting much from this story. I was happily mistaken. I love how you've stayed true to the narration of the story - with the whole 'Carmen Blaine Davis was exactly nineteen years, two days, and three hours old', and later, when you began calling Carmen 'the dead girl who wasn't really dead'.

It was also interesting to find out more about Carmen - her tattoo, her pet Olivier and the fact that she draws, even if it's only of her 'guardian angel'. I think that you've set up this story very well. You have mystery (the murder and the guardian angel), an interesting main character and a good excuse to bring Ned into the story. Please - do continue this story!

Just a few points on grammar - in the prologue you accidentally switched from 3rd person to 1st person for a sentence (when Carmen's being strangled). There's also a sentence in the prologue which doesn't quite make sense: 'Carmen was pulled by two muscled arms pull her into the dark alley between the bakery and book store.' I think if you get rid of the 'pull her' part then it would make better sense.

It's a good story so far - well planned and with interesting characters. I look forward to reading more.

Oh god. This is the first story inspired by Pushing Daisies that I read in here! I love Pushing Daisies :')

I found it really great that you used the same type of writing as in the series, because, as it says in the comment below, I read it just like how it sounded on the TV! I also love the whole concept so far and the mystery regarding everything that happened with her death and bringing her back from the dead. Plus, she touched Ned and didn't die.

The header image also looks extremely delicious

I'm really curious and excited to read more of this. I'm already in love with this story :3

Is this a Pushing Daisies fan fic? Oh dear lord, it is. Oh sweet Jesus. *Hyperventilating*

I am so happy. I am so unbelievably happy. I noticed a few mistakes that Katie Mosing pointed out, but otherwise I am super stoked for this. I actually am a huge fan of Pushing Daisies, so I understand the narrative. Specifically the way she’s referred to “the girl who wasn’t dead” and such. I love that little bit and I totally read it in Jim Dale’s voice. I am super interested to see who this mysterious murderer is. And even more curious about the blond guy with Ned’s powers! I thought it was Ned at first even though he was referred to as blond. Then I saw you describe Ned as brunet and I was like, “No it can’t be Ned.” And then, of course, their fingers brushed when she reached for the pen and I almost had a heart attack.

So to end this ramble of excitement. 1. I love this story. 2. I am quite pleased that she can actually touch Ned because that obviously made me nervous. 3. I am super curious to see who these mystery folks are. And 4. I can’t wait for more! :D

So far I really like this story. It starts with a bang, which I love in a story. Slow build ups are good, but action from the start is just as good too!

I love the intrigue and mystery surrounding her death, You hint that it might be someone she knows, and I'm dying for the killer to be revealed. Her being brought back to life was interesting, and the mysterious guy who brought her back is another puzzle to be solved.

Her moving around is a nice touch, it shows that while she got a second chance, her life is far from back to normal and with her second chance comes the upheaval of trying to fit into a world she shouldn't be in anymore, and the fear and paranoia that her killer may find her again.

I'd definitely recommend this, it's a good story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

I saw you just updated the new chapter so I thought I'd comment again

I really like the idea that Carmen kept moving around after what had happened. I think it makes sense that she couldn't really find a place to call her home after what had happened, since she had to just up and leave her entire life. I get the feeling that she's scared to actually settle down after what happened, fearing that something like it may happen again and she'd just have to up and leave again.

William seems like a very interesting character. I wonder what's going on with him and if he has any connection to Carmen's death or the mystery man.

What? Ned had a special power? Things are all starting to make sense now. I can see things slowly adding up, and I hope Carmen is finally going to start getting some answers, both about what happened to her and the truth behind her brutal murder. Questions will be answered!

An amazing update! I can't wait to see where this is going to go with Carmen, her old mystery man and William, the new mystery man! This turning out to be a very interesting and mysterious story!

Things I Noticed

In this sentence, I'm not sure if you meant to say she had read them or actually had them, so you can ignore this if that's what you meant. She had articles about her death and the investigating, hoping to find the killer.

I'm not really sure what this is saying. a man said to the girl who wasn’t dead’s side.

Other than that, awesome job

I saw you just updated the new chapter so I thought I'd comment again

I really like the idea that Carmen kept moving around after what had happened. I think it makes sense that she couldn't really find a place to call her home after what had happened, since she had to just up and leave her entire life. I get the feeling that she's scared to actually settle down after what happened, fearing that something like it may happen again and she'd just have to up and leave again.

William seems like a very interesting character. I wonder what's going on with him and if he has any connection to Carmen's death or the mystery man.

What? Ned had a special power? Things are all starting to make sense now. I can see things slowly adding up, and I hope Carmen is finally going to start getting some answers, both about what happened to her and the truth behind her brutal murder. Questions will be answered!

An amazing update! I can't wait to see where this is going to go with Carmen, her old mystery man and William, the new mystery man! This turning out to be a very interesting and mysterious story!

Things I Noticed

In this sentence, I'm not sure if you meant to say she had read them or actually had them, so you can ignore this if that's what you meant. She had articles about her death and the investigating, hoping to find the killer.

I'm not really sure what this is saying. a man said to the girl who wasn’t dead’s side.

Other than that, awesome job

wow, i am so not familiar with the show this is related to, but that doesn't take me away from the bulk of this story. for a prologue, you have such a great start & i can't help but adore the intro.

it starts off with a bang, carmen instantly pulled into an alleyway by muscular arms (so i'm assuming it's a man) but nonetheless, i love this so much oh my goodness. i was totally not expecting the mystery//thrilling aspect of this story & i like being caught off guard so good job.

you have a few grammar mistakes, but a quick read-through will def help you.

I've only watched the show a few times but this is great!
I actually love how Carmen didn't react that much to dying
Shes like 'Pfft whatevs' Badass!
I think I might have to hang around and pester you with comments when you update!♥

I'm not familiar with the Show Pushing Daisies, but I didn't mean that I didn't understand what was going on for a moment. It started off as great which made me want to read more. It has mystery in it and it is very interesting. I had to check on Google what was the show about so I could understand the end of the chapter. I'm really liking this and to be honest it seems something different. I don't have to say repeated but you are an amazing writer. I like that you managed to describe and write the chapter with not a lot of dialogue and still makes it a strong story.

To be honest, this story made me want to even watch the show so I think I'm going to do that too. hehe

Great start! Can't wait to see where it goes.
love always, Christie

I love that this story started off with a bang. You went right into the action and didn't bother with boring backstory, which you can easily show throughout the story. It held my attention better than most beginnings, because something was actually going on and it didn't feel like something boring that I could just skip over.

I felt so bad for Carmen when she was being attacked. You did a great job of showing her emotion and how she felt, which made me feel more connected to the situation and to her as a character.

From the way you describe the attacker, I'm wondering if he will become a bigger part of the story or if this will be a one time scene for him.

Oh wow, she woke up?! This is crazy! I'm wondering if that stranger is some sort of angel of death or something, but I'm glad that he is giving Carmen another chance, even if it means that she has to leave her old life, friends and family behind to start completely new as someone else entirely.

I've never watched Pushing Daisies before, but I was happy to see that this read like an original and I didn't need to know anything about the show.

This was a great prologue to what looks like is going to be a great story! You had an excellent amount of action and did quite a bit of character development in a short amount of time. This was amazing!

Things I Noticed

This sentence doesn't read right. I think you'll notice it when you re-read it. Carmen was pulled by two muscled arms pull her into the dark alley between the bakery and book store.

In this sentence, you switched to first person point of view. The air was starting to become thin, and I tried to control my breathing.

In the last half of this sentence, I get what you're trying to say, but I think it might read easier if it was worded differently. It seemed like this wasn’t the first time that he had done this to a woman in an alley, and he had to do this exactly as the times before.

In this sentence, you used "slowly" twice, so it might read better with another adverb instead. Carmen felt like crying, but the only thing she could do was slowly become unconscious as she slowly suffocated to death.

In this sentence, you don't need the comma. She sat up and saw a blond man, leaving the room.

Again, I get what you're trying to say, but I think the first half of this sentence could read easier if it was worded differently. She gasped and fell to the ground as she took in that had happened, and she had to be dead.

I'm not sure what's wrong with this sentence, but it doesn't read right. Carmen didn’t sit there and count it when she heard the loud thumb.

And that's it!