July 13th, 2014 at 08:17pm
I really liked this. I thought this was cute and amusing. I liked that it was ambiguous and that the conversation was well, really confusing. I thought you did a really nice job of teasing the reader so that way they didn't want to stop reading. I was hooked and I wanted to see where it was going, which I was happy.
I think you did so well for using less than 100 words, and I think it's absolutely remarkable that you created this.
One thing that I found that lacked a little bit of flow. I had to read the first part more than once because I just felt a little off balance. I just think that a little bit more flow would be better. Honestly, I think that it's the fact that this was all sentence fragments. I think those are fun to play with, but if it's overused it creates the lack of flow that I am talking about.
I do think that you did something really nice and you managed to create something really cool. I liked that you took the risks you did, and they paid off nicely. I think you managed to achieve something really great and it was well written.
The thing about this drabble is that it’s more of a description piece, at least the way I’m interpreting it. This one doesn’t necessarily tell a story, but offers great descriptive details. This seems like it could work very well as the beginning of a story or the beginning of a chapter of a story.
What I like about this is that it feels very reflective. I know that it’s in third person, but it’s as if either the girl herself or someone else is reflecting on how her hands are.
The only problem I’m having with this is that it comes across as just description.
Thanks for entering my contest!