Right off the bat, I had to read the first sentence a few times before I got it, haha! I don't know why it confused me so much but here we are. As for the actual content, I liked this story. It had an easy flow and kept me entertained the whole time. I wish I believed Alice when she said she wanted to be bad, because I didn't really feel like there was enough emotion to portray that she truly wanted to turn to the dark side. In some moments, it felt almost laughable and I wasn't able to take her seriously as a character. I liked the twist at the end that I guess they took the meth or some sort of poison that killed them? I didn't realise that Jesse was 'in' on the scam, a part of me thought he was unaware.
As I get to the end I realise it's a BB fanfic and as someone with no knowledge of the show, I wish something had been written in because at times I felt incredibly confused with the plot and who was who. I had to reread this a few times to get my head around what was happening.
With all of that being said, I did enjoy reading this and how entertaining it was. I think you captured the feeling of being 'bad' well but some improvement could be made to truly make the reader believe that Alice really did want to be 'bad'. Good job!
Right off the bat, I had to read the first sentence a few times before I got it, haha! I don't know why it confused me so much but here we are. As for the actual content, I liked this story. It had an easy flow and kept me entertained the whole time. I wish I believed Alice when she said she wanted to be bad, because I didn't really feel like there was enough emotion to portray that she truly wanted to turn to the dark side. In some moments, it felt almost laughable and I wasn't able to take her seriously as a character. I liked the twist at the end that I guess they took the meth or some sort of poison that killed them? I didn't realise that Jesse was 'in' on the scam, a part of me thought he was unaware.
As I get to the end I realise it's a BB fanfic and as someone with no knowledge of the show, I wish something had been written in because at times I felt incredibly confused with the plot and who was who. I had to reread this a few times to get my head around what was happening.
With all of that being said, I did enjoy reading this and how entertaining it was. I think you captured the feeling of being 'bad' well but some improvement could be made to truly make the reader believe that Alice really did want to be 'bad'. Good job!