Rainbow Pride - Comments

@ insufferable;
@ nearly witches.
@ aubs

Thank you :)

I absolutely adored the prologue. And the fact that it was a diary entry made it even better. There were so many raw emotions within the chapter, which I expect from a diary since it's a personal place to share anything and everything you want. But I can sort of relate to the entry. While I am not gay myself, my best friend is and he shared with me what he felt about coming out to his family, and it just broke my heart. And the way he was treated in school was awful; his peers treated him as though he was some bad person for being himself. Having a support system in his life really helped him accept that he was different and it helped him become a happier person. Sorry about the ramble...

I wasn't expecting both of his parents to be okay with him coming out because it can't always be perfect. I am happy that one of his parents was okay with it; the friend I mentioned before only had one parent who was accepting of it. The other parent, the one who didn't quite accept it isn't in the picture anymore, but it still hurt that they couldn't accept their child for the way that he is.

All right, I just had to stop after he told his best friend. At the moment, I am hoping the worst, and I hope that I'm wrong. It made me smile to read his friend's reaction... so understanding and nice about it. It's a reaction that I hope happens when anyone tells someone that they like or love, but, of course, that's not how it always happens.

Okay, enough about me and my friends. What I really liked about the story is how short the chapters were. They gave us a little glimpse into the life of Landon, and how he thought about the things going on around him. Every chapter is very straight forward and just adds to his life without really creating any boring/ filler type moments; everything that is said is important in his life and it helps define the other characters. You've done an amazing job with this, filling it with so much emotion and truth.

It actually hurts me to realise that I've heard friends saying the first line on more than one occasion, so that really hit home for me. I've never, ever understood why people seem to think being gay is a 'phase' or whatever. You love who you love and that's that. I get so unbelievably angry when it comes to stuff like that, and in addition, the bit after about emotions as well. Emotions are normal, everybody has them. Doesn't make somebody gay, doesn't make somebody not gay. Like insufferable;, though, I'm surprised about the mother not standing by. All of my friends have always had issues with the men in their families and not the women, so it's really interesting to see that reversed. Everybody reacts differently to things, so it's really heart-warming to see the dad not portrayed as a monster for once, which seems to be the case in a lot of stories about LGTB+ on here.

Oh gosh, I absolutely feel for Landon the second the first chapter kicks in. You can almost feel the nerves throughout the words and it instantly makes me worried. I'm extremely glad that Kaden does take it well. He's being super-supportive and I'm glad. I'd have been absolutely heartbroken for Landon if he had been forced to go through losing a friend over something like that. I'm sure a few of my friends would be really thankful for people like Kaden in their lives. It says a lot about his character that he just brushes it off like that. They'd both be the kind of people that I'd love to get to know in real life.

Cameron is exactly the type of close-minded jerk that I really hate, though. I'm feeling so bad for Landon throughout the whole thing, and it makes me really sad that I know this actually happens in real life. It shouldn't, and why people like Cameron think they have the authority to start a circle of bullying or tell everybody something that it was obviously difficult for Landon to say (and no wonder, looking at the reaction he got from Cameron and Ben!) is completely beyond me.

I'm glad, at least, that he's trying things with Kaden. I hope it works out and that Landon gets a little bit of happiness to combat all of the bad that he seems to have been on the receiving end of. I've only managed to read up to chapter five so far, but I'm really loving that this story is so blunt about what happens to Landon. There's no skirting around the issues, and it tackles them head-on. I think it's incredibly brave to include some of your own experiences in it as well. Nice job!

Summary:
I absolutely love the summary and know that this story is probably going to hit really close to home, but I'm still super excited! I also think it's very brave that you included the fact that some of the things that happen are based on your life. You're so brave.

Prologue:
One thing I really like about the prologue was the fact that you really get a look into Landon's life. You get to see the process and his feelings before and after he came out. While it was brief it gave a lot out about his character.
Something that surprised me was the fact that the mother rejected Landon and the father accepted him. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just usually the other way around- or sometimes it's neither parent. I'm very glad Landon still has his father around to stand by his side, though.

Chapter One:
Oh no, I'm so nervous for Landon! I really hope Kaden takes everything okay and doesn't leave him.
Yes! I'm so happy he took it well! That was such a sweet moment between the two, oh my god.
Honestly, I believe he made the right decision in telling his friends first. When I came out, it's what I did. I told my friends and had a very large support system and then when I came out to my parents, I was pretty much rejected for awhile so I had my friends by my side to help me through it. I know others have done the same thing, so I definitely think Landon made the right choice.

I'm really enjoying this so far and I'll definitely be reading more. I didn't notice any mistakes, which was awesome as it helped the story flow even better. Good job!

I can't wait to start reading this. I currently don't have the time right now, but I hopefully will later tonight. I think I'm going to be able to relate to this because I'm ftm transgender AND gay, so I hit my parents doubled when I came out.

@ A. J.
Thanks for the comments :) I think the numbers are wrong because there's a prologue aswell, which adds the extra chapter. I didn't write the poem it was something I found when I was looking around on the net.

I like that poem, did you write it yourself? And yes, people who cut aren't emo. They're in pain and it's a way to get rid of the pain inside and feel it physically instead because ironically, it's easier to take that way. hugs.

Psst. i think you labeled #18 as #17. at the top of the page, it says Chapter 17, but under the entry the arrow is pointing to the left saying chapter seventeen and another pointing to the right saying chapter 19. Which means the following chapter is labeled wrong as well.

<3 that's a hard chapter. (18) I can understand why Landon pushed Kaden away, but yeah, he needs confidence and to trust Kaden. I get that sometimes ppl feel like a burden, that they think the other person is constantly trying to put a smile on their face and it's not their job, but if they want to do that because they love you, let them. :) I know some of this story is true and some isn't, so I won't try to separate the two. I just hope Landon gets better. xx

@ Tipsy.
Thanks and I will do xD

Finally caught up! I hope everything will be very fine soon. Landon can't give up! Especially not when I've been following this story for months! Haha jk. Nice chapters, and update soon! (:

@ Michael Westen
@ catinabottle
@ losing control.

Thanks for the comments xD I can understand about me not giving much away about the characters... I was trying to concentrate more on the topic rather than the people in it, but I think I forgot at some point that you guys don't actually know what the boys look like, so I'll take that into account xD

I like the idea for this story. I don't see a lot of stories that deal with issues/struggles like this one, so it was refreshing.

I've only gotten through the first couple chapters so far, but I would really like the see the characters built up more. We kind of see their personalities, but it's hard to get a feel for them right now. And we don't really know what they look like, as catinabottle said, so it would be cool if we knew what they physically are like as well.

As other people have pointed out, there were some grammar issues, mostly with punctuation from what I could see. There's some places where you use a lot of commas, and then other places where you don't and things seem to run on a lot. So just work on finding the balance between those and you'll be good to go.

Good job!

Summary: I think it hit the mark - gave a description of what to expect, while not giving away too much.

Hook: You dive right in, no beating around the bush. Good job on that.

Plot: Seems simple, straightforward - basically the struggles of coming out. If you handle it the right way, it can make for an interesting story - and one that needs to be told, for sure.

Characterization: I'd really like to see more physical descriptions. The prologue is fine without any, but I'd like to know what the narrator and Kaden look like by the end of chapter 1. Then for his parents, you can take a short-cut and describe what attributes the character got from each of them and the ones they have of their own.

Grammar/Spelling/Typos: As others have said, you could work on the grammar. But I won't hound on that.

Formatting: It's easy to read, and I love the layout.

Overall, it's pretty good. Just proof read it a couple of times for grammar issues and try to work on building up your characters a little more. Hope this helped!

I've read this before and I know it's good. I don't remember where I was before, but I did read the last few chapters. On the more technical side I think your grammar could use a bit of work, and you use a lot of commas and ...'s. Don't get me wrong, that's all fine, but I think it might take away a bit from the story. On a personal note the last chapter really got to me. It is true that people judge people who cut because they don't understand. The last line really strikes hard. It's sad, and true, and it speaks volumes.

Keep working on this!

@ Alex Moore.
Thank you for the comment xD

This is for the give-one-get-one thingey. Although it is frowned upon; I will start with a comment on your lay-out. I really like it. It's simple and it suits the story; it is also easy on the eyes while reading. Chapeau!

Now onto the prologue; You start this story well. The way you dive into the troubles and obstacles that gay men experience all over the world. I am not an expert, since I am a straight girl, but I do know these phrases; Its a phase, or a choice. And you are right; people who say that are ignorant. But moving on; Chapter one is great too. I like how you show his inner struggle and his thoughts. And I love the reaction of his best friend!

All in all this is the start of a great story, keep writing. I think you will reach out to a lot of people who have experienced the things you write about. And maybe even inspire some of the ignorant with another perspective.

@ A. J.
The poem was one that I found on the web, it voiced everything I felt at the time and I thought it was a nice touch to the chapter :) Thanks for the comment and I'm getting there I missed you too

This is one of those chapters that hit close to home for me and you've written it beautifully and with so much truth. Did you write the poem or find it on the Internet? Either way, it's very intense and fits with this story and the character so well. Missed you around. Hope things are getting better for you. Looking forward to the next chapter.