Sins of Tainted History - Comments

This piece is very intriguing. I like the short, poem like verses in between your paragraphs. It helps break things up and gives it a different feel. That being said, I think this would've worked better as a longer piece. I think you tried to include too much plot into something so short, and because of that I was left missing a lot of the story. And while you included the color grey, I don't think it was enough. I was looking for more of a focus on the color, and an integration of grey into the story.

If you were ever to make this into a full, chaptered story though I would be more than willing to read it. All in all, this was well written and interesting, just not exactly what I was looking for.

First off, as always, you layout is absolutely beautiful. I love the poem in the first chapter, and I love how I can feel this prince’s pain in such a short chapter. I want to know what happens to him, and who this mysterious woman he saw on the battlefield was. You’re writing always reminds me a little of the epic poems about battles like this one, and I think it fits so well with the theme. Keep at it, you’ve got me completely hooked :)