Friday Night Lights. - Comments

The way you sort of just throw your characters in there and give them their own personalities is pretty wonderful. I like that Naomi can be childish and her Dad can be jerky and like a senile old man. You've constructed the characters so cool that I feel like I know them and feel like they're so down to earth.

Grammar and spelling is pretty perfect. I like how you've broken the paragraphs up as well. You've done it in a nice way that gives us a breather from lengthy descriptions. And wow, the dialogue is quite realistic!! I feel like people actually do speak like this, and am so glad you've added in little slang words!

So I love her relationship dynamic with her father. I think it's so realistic and they clearly do have memories. And it's sort of like you can feel those memories through their interactions. Sometimes though, I feel as though you go ahead and explain something between them that might be better left unsaid. Like, Mimi being her childhood nickname. As a reader, I love putting the pieces together and figuring things out on my own. It's not a problem when reading through, but I think sometimes it's cool to just let us assume things.

But I really enjoyed reading this, I already feel quite attached to the characters because you've constructed them so well already! Especially Bambi! The part where she just tells Naomi straight, no bullshit. "This is where I work. This is how I make my money, okay?" It shows the multi-dimensions of her, and I can just sort of imagine her feelings. Great start! Will definitely read more!

Thank you for the comment swap my dear!

I don't know much of Broadway and dancing careers, so I'm excited to see what this story can teach me. The first chapter was great! It was the absolute perfect father daughter moment. I saw this between my roommates and their parents when we all moved out on our own. It's super sweet. Keep up the great work.

Comment swap: I agree with essence: yay for the diversity (I should really check my own stories for that..). Great start off, you show us where Naomi is from and a bit of her character and history without it being long and boring, you incorporated it into the story beautifully. The interaction between Naomi and her dad is so loving and sweet! Not suprisingly because when I read on her mama left her when she was 3. Nice touch.

I truly loved the chapter and your writing feels real. Good Job!

First things first.

YAY FOR DIVERSE CASTING/CHARACTER GROUP

We really don't see enough of that on here. And you got J. Cole?!?

Here for it. Okay.

Okay. Really loving the opening and the dynamic between Naomi and her dad. Super cute and super real.

This whole chapter was just really good. Probably because I really felt the chapter. Like I felt this chapter.

I don't know, just ugh. Super good and perfect and I'm subbing.