Hell Is Real - Comments

  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    Antarctica
    Layout/Summary:
    The layout is simple, but lovely. I love the picture of the sign (there are so many of those along the road where I live).
    The summary was short, but very powerful. It didn't exactly make me curious to read more, but it was powerful enough to make me want to see what the story was behind it, if that makes sense.

    Chapter One:
    He closed his eyes, numb to the hatreds and cutting words of his violent world. hatreds should be hatred

    I love the image you set up from the get go. It really pulled me in and forced me to the edge of my seat (is that statement overused? Ah well, that's what this did).

    This was such a powerful one-shot and I absolutely loved what you did with the whole 'going to Hell' thing that some people try to do but seem to fail at. You rocked it. Aside from the mistake I pointed out above, this didn't have anything wrong with it. Everything flowed really well and, wow. Well done!
    January 8th, 2016 at 09:46am
  • Tipsy.

    Tipsy. (100)

    :
    NaNoWriMo 2015
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    India
    Hey! I'm here to judge the contest. Cute

    Content
    The writing in this one shot was simply wonderful. You touched a subject that I have a personal belief in. The way you presented the man's guilt was amazing, and the ending is what I'd call a deserved end.
    I haven't read something like this in a long time. Beautifully done.

    Errors
    It was a splendid read, but I did notice a few minor mistakes.
    1. "Be a man, Josiuh, You put yourself here, and I would think you you could take a small hit, considering you've been known to give a few..." One 'you' after the 'think' should be eliminated.
    2. " The mans voice trailed off as what sounded like small children started laughing." An apostrophe has to be there in 'mans' - man's.
    3. " As he drifted away, his soul being consumed by searing flames the regrets he had in life melted away with the rest of his body. I think a comma should be put between 'flames' and 'the'.

    Overall
    Wonderful piece. The writing was beautiful, almost projecting an image in my mind. I could see it happening. Amazing work. Keep it up!

    Cute
    September 24th, 2014 at 07:06am