A Piece of Art - Comments

I’m here to judge for the ‘Pick and Choose’ contest.

I don’t know how I feel about this piece, to be completely honest.

On one hand, I like the poetry and the message behind everyone behind addicts in some way or another. I appreciated the depth of it and how you wrote about how it doesn’t have to be alcohol or drugs, it can be something that no one even thinks about like caffeine and painting. Everyday things that aren’t associated with addiction. In a way, it makes you think. It made me think. It made me wonder what I’d be considered ‘addicted’ to.

But then, on the other hand, the rest of the concept is…strange. I’m aware that my overall opinion is subjective, but I’m not really sure how I felt about Julian having cocaine in his first aid kit? Julian’s reaction to Iggy being a drug addict and getting physically abused by her boyfriend was extremely disconcerting. Especially in the line: She kind of makes me wish I could have it in me to hurt her as much as he does, and that’s twisted. I would think that he’d want her to stop and to get away from Pete—especially if he loves her as much as he implies in the narrative. I was under the impression that he’s in love with her, but it ended up just feeling like he fooled himself into thinking he was because he liked having her as a muse. In a weird, sadistic way, I think Julian likes that she’s hurting because it gives him fuel for his art. Which made it really strange and alarming. I’m not sure if that was your goal or not.

You also said ‘addicted on’ when you should have said ‘addicted to’ in a few places, so it read strangely.

Good job overall, definitely an intriguing piece.

I thought it was interesting that the beginning of the story almost read like a journal, and then it kind of transitioned into what was going on at the present moment. You transitioned it really well and I think it worked nicely with the flow of the story.

You've taken a really realistic situation and kind of twisted it, in a way, by adding the element of him being in love with her. I could feel his longing, especially near the end of the story, and it made me sort of sad for both of them because it's such a crappy situation. I really enjoyed the last sentence, it tied everything together really nicely.

There was lovely descriptions in the second half of the story, and I would have loved to see a bit more at the beginning of the story as well to really get it going and make the drabble flow even better.

One thing I noticed, you have a lot of spots that say "addicted on" that should say "addicted to" instead.

Nice job!

This is a stunning piece, beautifully written, you have a way with words and descriptions that makes this piece of work a standout. The fact that you have delved into such a common and realistic situation is something refreshing.

Even though this is a short piece you have managed to engross it with such raw emotion. The want Julian has Iggy, the fact that Iggy continues to go back to Pete who abuses her and the addiction she has to him and the drugs that help her to forget what he has done to her.

The last paragraph is amazing! Such a hard hitting statement. Perfect end to a beautiful piece.

Oh god, your descriptions. They were capable to make me fall utterly in love, wishing I had been the writer to come up with it. It's so earnest and fitting and I can't seem to get enough of it! The story's perspective is absolutely beautiful. I mean, you're able to tell us so much about the main character just within the first paragraph and that's golden because in the reading world, that first paragraph is going to make the reader read the next until it becomes a vicious (yet pleasant) cycle.

I really think you should turn this into a story. I can see just by your writing that you had such a lovely time writing this short piece of art. Now imagine the major fun you'd have making a proper story out of it? If you had any hesitations about this idea, GO FOR IT because I'm sure I wouldn't be the only person subscribed to it. Do it, do it, do it (no peer pressure).

It was short and sweet, just how a powerful story should be like. After briefly reading it, it left me wishing for more. And that's the feeling you want to end a chapter with, each and every time. Darling, you're a wonderful writer!

Candy Bowl: Potion Tasting
First thought: Holy shit this is the 56th part of something!?
Second thought: I like the background :)

Now onto the more important thoughts:
I definitely wanted more of this. The beginning sort of read as a disclaimer, but I think it's something that everyone knows to be true. Everyone is obsessed with something, eventually you can move onto something else. This is normally a mental health thing though. For that reason I sort of wish you stayed away from drugs, because that's what Iggy needed to feel better it felt wrong to say she was addicted to her boyfriend. She might crave his presence, but she clearly needs a line of cocaine to feel comfortable. Anyway, it seems like a solid idea, but not really a drabble, more like a prologue? Please sir, may I have some more?

Candy Bowl: Potion Tasting
First thought: Holy shit this is the 56th part of something!?
Second thought: I like the background :)

Now onto the more important thoughts:
I definitely wanted more of this. The beginning sort of read as a disclaimer, but I think it's something that everyone knows to be true. Everyone is obsessed with something, eventually you can move onto something else. This is normally a mental health thing though. For that reason I sort of wish you stayed away from drugs, because that's what Iggy needed to feel better it felt wrong to say she was addicted to her boyfriend. She might crave his presence, but she clearly needs a line of cocaine to feel comfortable. Anyway, it seems like a solid idea, but not really a drabble, more like a prologue? Please sir, may I have some more?

I like how it flows together (I guess that's how you say it.) I also like how it describes the addictions and how the girl keeps going back for more.

Oh, reading this makes me ache for your characters! Especially the narrator pining away after this girl who just doesn't seem to see him most of the time. I found this piece very compelling, and I liked the overall theme of addiction. How the girl is a drug addict, but also addicted to love (and her love is terrible to her as are the drugs she does) and how the narrator is addicted to love (and his love eats away at him, leaving him pining and obsessively painting.)
I don't know I felt like I was gonna say more, but I'm kinda rambling now. Kudos!

This is my second time reading this (I read it when you submitted, but I didn't have the time to comment then!) and I'm still just as stunned. The realism of the speaking character is phenomenal. The way he describes things is believable and quite endearing to him as a whole. Sometimes we can love people just by the way they speak, and I can almost hear is voice when I read this. Well done! The writing is highly colloquial, but sophisticated in a spectacular way. This line simply explains what I mean:

"She kind of makes me wish I could have it in me to hurt her as much as he does, and that’s twisted. I know that, yet I find myself drawing her painted portrait as she makes lines of cocaine on one of our school’s books, taking the soda looking drug into her nose. I draw everything I see, but it’s nowhere near enough to fill the void in my heart, the longing, and the hunger."

The first portion displays his laid back speech, using words like "kind of" and "soda-looking", but the last sentence in it's entirety reveals is artistic and thoughtful nature. He's a brooding person, and I just can't help but love his broken honesty.

I adore your ability to draw from the image, but my only criticism is that is seemed unnecessary to explain her appearance. Personally, leaving her faceless from description and our only reference to be an implied portrait he did of her (the cover) would be pure brilliance. That being said, your piece is brilliant anyway.

After rating your piece by my scoring system, you receive 18/20, the two points being pulled only because minor grammatical mistakes.

I've always loved your work and I'm elated you joined my contest!

Oh my word, that poem was again brilliant. You really have a knack for writing them. The layout, summary and banner all fit perfectly with what you written.

Now, here we come onto the content.
I adore the way you've written this. It's very much different, but good different. I must say, this really is a piece of art (no pun intended.).

You never fail to amaze me with the style of writing, you just keep getting better and better with every aspect of it.

I think I would have to agree with majority, if not all, what the other readers have spoken to. So, I will not try to sound redundant by any means, but this was psychically good and not something you read once and forget about. I love how you described addiction and how for other people it's not all the same, some may be addicted to coffee, abuse and even people or how people treat them.

This reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite authors Stephen Chbosky, "we accept the love we think we deserve." We accept things that make us feel good, no matter how bad they may be in the end, you know.

The last lines of the story got me as well, it was unexpected. Sometimes we can only have parts of people they want to share and there's nothing we can really do about it.

Overall, lovely read. I was impressed.

Again, another poem! I am loving this poem theme you have, I've never seen it before.

Wow.
I love short pieces like this. The themes you have in here are well articulated. I find myself feeling even more emotion in this piece than the last one. You make her addiction and Julian's pain beautiful.

I have to say, my favourite part was the last paragraph. The possessive longing in this piece is well written, and it's full of raw emotion, it's real. You are extremely good at portraying actual emotions and you don't take the typical route that most writers do. You should totally think about compiling these into a short story book and self publishing - I would buy a copy.

Summary / Layout

I like how the title ties in with the little poem in the summary. The photograph fits in really well with the whole idea of the title as well and the layout is pretty.

Content

I really love the concept of people being described as an addiction. I haven't heard anyone refer to crushes / being in love with someone in that way before, so I found it a really clever and interesting way to describe it because addictions aren't necessarily a good thing, and it shows this really negative and...I don't know, the word addiction has negative connotations linked to it and I like that even at the end when Julian is talking about how Iggy is his own individual piece of art, I have this uncomfortable feeling about their relationship because it doesn't seem healthy, just like most addictions aren't healthy. It's an interesting way to look at a relationship, especially when most people would look at the positives. It is nice to see that every now and then, people are looking at the unhealthy side of relationships.

Your description and metaphor in this were really interesting. I liked the way that you wrote it because I had a perfect vision of Iggy in my head and for a small while towards the end, I really did pity her and her plight. It was lovely, but in a heartbreaking way.

Concrit

There were a few errors that I noticed in the beginning sentences, so I'll list them below:

All of us are addicted with something. My mother is addicted on coffee and sweets, I am addicted on painting my best friend’s face, and she’s addicted in anything that has to do with her boyfriend.

- addicted with should be addicted to.
- addicted on should be addicted to. (this one happens throughout as well)
- addicted in should be addicted to.

I didn't see any other errors though!

Overall

This was a really interesting and thought-provoking piece. As I said above, I've never tried to think about relationships in the way that this story portrayed them and it was a really eye-opening experience for me. Awesome job!

This is so vivid and yet heartbreaking. I think we all are addicted to something, even if we don’t know it, even if it doesn’t do us any harm, though there are some unfortunate people out there who have a painful addiction like Iggy. Julian and Iggy seem to have a very deep relationship, and I love how the narrative played out in the latter half of the story, as it reveals a lot about them as people. Your imagery is very gritty and I could see it all play out in my head, and it reads like a snapshot into the lives of two troubled people; it feels like it goes beyond a oneshot. Great job! c:

Wow, this was powerful. The poem in the summary alone was enough to dredge something from readers (or maybe namely me) before even starting the story.

It starts out like a classic best friend being in love with best friend story, but it's so much more than that. It's always heartbreaking the story of a girl that seems so lost; she seems to be getting worse as time goes on and then you have that someone who cares about her wishing she could stop, but not doing much. The thing that makes it unique though is the fact that the narrator gives in and doesn't specifically say "Hey, you need to stop getting high and live this guy." Instead, he simply patches her up and allows her to continue on her destructive path.

My absolute favorite part had to be these lines: She’s like a goddess drowned in blood. She might forever be his, but she’s my piece of art.

There was something just beautiful about it. Overall, this was an amazing piece. It was short and simple but said so much in such a small amount of words. I loved it.

Very nice piece you have written. In a short story, you were able to convey such emotions and pain, which is a quality I admire very much when browsing stories. The abstract background appeal to it all is also complimentary to the story too. Very well done and glad I came across this.

The poem immediately intrigued me. One thing I love about your stories is that you pretty much always include a poem in the summary, which I think is an awesome technique to hook the reader in. The last line of it really made me curious as to what this story is about.

I really like the theme of addiction and obsession and how it becomes a cycle. You can feel how broken Iggy is as she takes part in the never-ending sequence of highs (no pun intended) and lows, deserving so much more and yet never realizing it.

I was surprised by two things: first, for some reason, I was expecting the narrator to be a female? I don't know why (maybe I've got femmeslash on the brain) and two, the part where she snorts coke off of one of their school books makes me suspect they're still in high school, which really caught me off guard! I would've never suspected they were so young; it just makes the plot even more disturbing.

Overall, I love that the "piece of art" sentiment ties it all together in the end (especially with the banner at the top, I love stories that do that ) She's eternal in his mind and he can shape her into anything he wants on paper, yet he will never physically have her as Pete does. This is such a beautiful, heartbreaking piece.

Wow, that was amazing. I liked how you went 'All of us are addicted to something' . That part is very true and I do agree that you can be addicted to something that isn't drugs and alcohol. I liked how you talked about young people and how they are into that stuff because its the truth.. Every young person thinks they have to take drugs to be cool!

Okay so I seriously love this piece. The imagery is just like...whoa. For such a short story, your characterization abilities really shone through and made the story that much better. One suggestion I have is that you have a tendency to just tell the readers a lot of details instead of letting them interpret it as their own, and also if you're going to use dialogue, use it more consistently. The rate at which dialogue is included here makes it a bit choppy and interrupts the flowing style that your beautiful, descriptive imagery creates initially. Overall, this is a fantastic story with a great message!

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. That's really all I can say. This is such a beautiful oneshot! I love the opening paragraph, especially when you mentioned how drugs aren't the only thing people can be addicted to. This story was so beautiful and honest and heartbreaking. I think it's so true in the way that people who are often victims of domestic violence can't get away because they often end up blaming themselves instead of the person actually abusing them, and it's so sad. This was incredible and I really loved it!