June 20th, 2008 at 03:50pm
Second person narration is my favorite to read, so this totally and completely owned.
I love the tone, how it's soft and graceful. You lay out the story beautifully. I like how you include past moments within the current moments. I like your characterizations and how you don't fall into any cliches.
Well-done.
My favorite lines:
The thing with David Archuleta is that nobody understands him. They can’t differentiate his words from his meaning.
People took everything he says with about a jar full of salt
a grin, wide and made of puppies and rainbows
one hour on National television doesn’t show much.
This was the moment the competition ended for you no matter who won.
The first few paragraphs, I was smiling so big, because it's exactly what I imagine Archie to be like. You portrayed everything so darn well. :cute:
One thing to watch out for, though, is your past and present tense. There are some kinks that need to be worked out here and there, if you read it through carefully ('will' to 'would', 'remembered' to 'remember', etc.), but apart from that, it was great.
Oh, another gripe would be that you got the lyrics to Heaven wrong. There is no ' I'm '. Just so you know. :shifty
Anyway, great job. I've read this three times, and it never fails to make me smile. :cute: