May 31st, 2008 at 10:21pm
I liked this. It's good.
I especially like the repetative use of "maybe" and the people looking into the house, showing the contrasts of what people assumed and the reality of it all.
"Brendon took a drag and refocused his gaze on the pink caramel colour the sky was blending into, the sun that was slipping every so slowly behind the buildings that were further out."
I really liked this sentence too, I don't know why, it was just a perfect scene setting sentence.
"Brendon felt like the blue green veins in his arms might burst with frustration and heartbreak as Ryan just stood there for 5, 6, 7 seconds, waiting for him to say anything. But he didn’t. He had cotton mouth – impossible to speak without hurling from the dryness. He could practically feel the vomit rise up the back of his throat, threatening to spill out if he opened his mouth."
This paragraph too, it fit well with the song lyric. Written well, gives you a perfect insight into what Brendon is feeling.
"Brendon remembered Ryan’s personality, the honeysuckle sweet, and he remembered how he’d destroyed it, like a murderer, torturing it until Ryan could no longer take it, instead bringing out another side of him completely."
And this bit. The reference to the personality again, finishing it similar to how it started.
Those were my favourite bits.
And the glass house thing, how they could only fight in the kitchen, with all the dangerous things areound and what not.
Well done.
I like how the comparison is at first between the glass house and perfection and then it comes to be between the glass house and truth/honesty.
My favorite lines:
skin and heart falling into the tiny cracks.
The "skin" part was what got me. It adds this imagery of it just melting off.
like honeysuckle on a summer day, all that you can smell, but a perfect smell, one that made you feel like you were floating on clouds, right up next to the sun.
-Transported. Honeysuckle reminds me of summer anyways, so to see it associated here with it, I can feel that sensation of its dizzying scent wrapping its way around my senses.
his eyes – even from where Brendon was, he could see
pink caramel colour
Beaufiful description.
wondering about the perfection the living room and dining room held, wondering where the perfect couple was.
I find some bittersweet contrast in this because the outside of people can often betray the inside. Where appearance doesn't match reality.