Worth The Wait - Comments

this is cute, i loved it. (:

i also loved the personal touches in it.

This was very cute. The way you dragged out the wait was absolute TORTURE, and therefore very well written.
=]

"You don't have a right to call something art until it's end leaves you with a specific feeling. Congratulations. You've made art."

that was sweet :]

The whole idea for this story was adorable, and you wrote it extremely well. I love your voice, and how you can encompass a character yet you can differentiate yourself from the character. Overall, I really liked the piece. :D

Holy Hell that IS long

EDIT: I read Worth The Wait, as you seemed to like the idea of it, so that's good. Usually I don't like it when people ramble in the summary or don't get to the point, but your little quote "Interesting..." Made me laugh and added a personal touch to the story. So I actually liked it, so well done on that :tehe:

Am I the only one who finds birthdays really depressing? You've started off like she's addressing a crowd. I like this technique. It really draws the reader into the story as though she's asking them personally.

But presents aside, birthdays are in general pretty damn lousy. I don't know quite why, but this sentence seemed wrong to me. Maybe you could add a hyphen or a comma in there? I tend to read sentences aloud and this one didn't sound right :tehe: But maybe it's just me...

I always say that, don't I? :tehe:

Anyway.

Every year it feels like God has sent this big iron rod down from heaven and brandished a new number on my forehead, and then pointed at me and laughed, and said “That’s how old you are, Hannah Proctor! And what do you have to show for it? Nothing! Nothing!” I know I'm basically copying the first paragraph, but this line made me laugh so much. Making God seem like a omnipresent maniac with an iron rod is definitely new from the stories I've read. The fact that your character feels some overpowering force such as God is against them really emphasises how little they are looking forward to their birthday - and in turn, adds some humour to the story.

I sniffed dramatically. Brendon looked at me, with a bewildered, yet vaguely amused, expression on his face. He raised one skeptical eyebrow at me... This line is awesome :XD And what he said next. You've created such a friendship between these two in a few lines which is quite amazing. I love how he's not a typical man either who would just agree with her and comfort her. He's actually arguing his point, making him an altogether unique character :cute: So well done on that...

Brendon (who clearly does not appreciate a good theatrical performance when he sees it, as he appeared to be unmoved by my drama) :lmfao Seriously, I love the way you've made it so your characters can insult each other and argue and still be best friends. It's brilliant.

Cue much mocking from my so-called friends. Ryan hadn’t stopped making fun of [Of what? Or who? I think you missed a word here :cute:]since. I like the way you don't do the "Then he said. Then she said." Thing, you use different connectives and a wider range of vocabulary than that and it draws the reader in. There's no complication with the flow of the story either which is really, really good.

Brendon just laughed again, but before I could snap at him for not taking me seriously, he silenced me by putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes. His expression changed – it suddenly became more sincere. The way you've described this act of maturity is brilliant. I can vividly picture Brendon doing all that. :cute: And is what I think going to happen, going to happen?!

I giggled, somewhat nervously. “Oh no...no way...” Awweh! :arms: Are they going to kiss?! I like the way you've kept the reader mystified here, as it inevitably makes them want to read on and find out... (Damn you :tehe:)

Hang on, didn't she say she was already twenty? Have we gone back in time? -Reads up again- Ok, I got a bit confused here, as you were speaking about how she was "Twenty and never been kissed." And then he promises to kiss her if she hasn't been kissed since her twentieth birthday... Maybe I've read it wrong.

“Why don’t you wanna go? I thought you’d be dying to kiss someone by now,” he grinned. “I mean, you’ve only got seven months left and if you don’t do it by then, you’ll be stuck with me...” Ah, we are talking in the past. I don't remember you changing tenses, which confused me a little, but it's still amazing so far.

And I really, really wanted to kiss Brendon. -Teenie scream- You've created an excellent storyline, and a build up. I'm hurring to get to the end now, as I want to know what happens :tehe:

“Eww, gross! Let me see!” Jon said enthusiastically... This Jon sounds like my ex boyfriend :lmfao Great description. The emotive words really emphasise his immatureness :tehe:

Then this boy named Tony spun and it landed right at me. My heart sank, and his probably did too, but we both tried to hide our disappointment.

“Hannah!” Ryan cried delightedly, grinning wickedly at me. Nooo! Her first kiss has to be Brendon! They're MADE for each other!! Damn you! You've made me Caps lock abuse!! She can't kiss him! :crazy:

I rushed to the fJont door and left, bounding down the steps three at a time. Yay! She didn't kiss him! Aww but poor Hannah. There's a minor typo here by the way :cute:

I tried to think of an excuse, but what could I possibly come up with to cover that? “I just remembered that I left the iJon on?” I think your "R" has been replaced with your "J" :tehe: And that was a lame excuse :XD Made me laugh.

“I’m busy on August 29th. We’ll have to celebrate your birthday early.”

And with that, he put his hands on my hips, and leaned in and kissed me. SQUEE! :crazy: The build up to this moment was amazing. I was speed reading to see if they kissed :tehe: And the fact that you made it sound like he was going to declare he was gay or something when she told him. I was practically screaming at the screen for him to kiss her! :tehe: The description on the kiss is good btw, but the paragraph is a bit long and hard to consume. Maybe you could double space at intervals?

Aww that was a great ending! I don't think I've read a fully happy ending on mibba before, but you've restored my faith in happy endings. No major mistakes as far as I can tell other than the mysterious tense change, but like I said, that's probably me reading it wrong. Awesome one shot :cute:

EDIT: That was looooooooooong :lmfao

that was
the cutest
story i have
ever ever
ever read.
:D