I'm here (finally!) judging the entries for my An Album of Inspiration contest!
Layout and Summary
The layout is a little difficult to read, especially the summary page. The photograph in the background coupled with the colour of the font meant I had to highlight the text to read the summary. The summary itself is all-inclusive and gets the reader excited about what's to come, so well done on that. I don't think I've read many summaries of that length that haven't just given away the entire plot, so that's quite unique.
Content
You leap right into this narrative with the female, and it's all so sudden and so unusual and...yeah. You've definitely grabbed my attention. Nice intro, definitely. Continuing on, your sentences are definitely very poetic. It's almost romantic, in a weird way. I honestly thought that she was going to end it all right there and then. I also find it rather amusing that it was probably the man at the door that had caused her to feel the way she had. How ironic that he would appear just as she was about to end it all.
I really loved the little interaction between Emma and Iver! it was cute, but it was heartfelt at the same time. You could really tell that Emma had missed him, and that he had missed her. There's a lot of backstory missing, which keeps me reading on. You've definitely got a knack for keeping the reader hooked into your writing. I'm also a huge fan of anything to do with the wars, so seeing a post-war character really interests me. I'm looking forward to seeing more of how it had affected him as a whole! I love the glimpses into Iver's life as a soldier and the way that Emma reacts to what he tells her. I have a feeling there's going to be more there in the future.
Constructive Criticism
I only really noticed a few things whilst reading through:
The ghost of a man - she knew had died. -- the dash makes little sense in this sentence, it's an unnecessary pause. I reckon it'd work better without the dash in there. Similarly, at the end of the fifth chapter, you do the same with And that - was the morphine.
"Iver." her heard her gasp -- I think her should be he? Also, just a quick note about your dialogue (this happens once or twice throughout); if you're following up dialogue with a related tag (he said, she said, etc.) then you should use a comma and not a period before the end of the dialogue. For instance, this one should be "Iver," he heard her gasp. Simple little thing, doesn't take too much away from the story but it might be something to watch out for when writing!
Overall
This is definitely an interesting start! I would never have thought of interpreting the album into a war setting, or a post-war setting, so this is a really interesting and unique take on it! As I said above, the only major recurring grammar issue I could spot was the dialogue, so you're doing well on that front as well. Awesome job!
Layout and Summary
The layout is a little difficult to read, especially the summary page. The photograph in the background coupled with the colour of the font meant I had to highlight the text to read the summary. The summary itself is all-inclusive and gets the reader excited about what's to come, so well done on that. I don't think I've read many summaries of that length that haven't just given away the entire plot, so that's quite unique.
Content
You leap right into this narrative with the female, and it's all so sudden and so unusual and...yeah. You've definitely grabbed my attention. Nice intro, definitely. Continuing on, your sentences are definitely very poetic. It's almost romantic, in a weird way. I honestly thought that she was going to end it all right there and then. I also find it rather amusing that it was probably the man at the door that had caused her to feel the way she had. How ironic that he would appear just as she was about to end it all.
I really loved the little interaction between Emma and Iver! it was cute, but it was heartfelt at the same time. You could really tell that Emma had missed him, and that he had missed her. There's a lot of backstory missing, which keeps me reading on. You've definitely got a knack for keeping the reader hooked into your writing. I'm also a huge fan of anything to do with the wars, so seeing a post-war character really interests me. I'm looking forward to seeing more of how it had affected him as a whole! I love the glimpses into Iver's life as a soldier and the way that Emma reacts to what he tells her. I have a feeling there's going to be more there in the future.
Constructive Criticism
I only really noticed a few things whilst reading through:
The ghost of a man - she knew had died. -- the dash makes little sense in this sentence, it's an unnecessary pause. I reckon it'd work better without the dash in there. Similarly, at the end of the fifth chapter, you do the same with And that - was the morphine.
"Iver." her heard her gasp -- I think her should be he? Also, just a quick note about your dialogue (this happens once or twice throughout); if you're following up dialogue with a related tag (he said, she said, etc.) then you should use a comma and not a period before the end of the dialogue. For instance, this one should be "Iver," he heard her gasp. Simple little thing, doesn't take too much away from the story but it might be something to watch out for when writing!
Overall
This is definitely an interesting start! I would never have thought of interpreting the album into a war setting, or a post-war setting, so this is a really interesting and unique take on it! As I said above, the only major recurring grammar issue I could spot was the dialogue, so you're doing well on that front as well. Awesome job!