Unseen - Comments

Having not watched Dragon Ball Z (except very passingly when my brother was given charge of the television), I was super confused at times. A good way to begin a story is to ground your readers in context, then slowly build momentum into the plot. I feel like you’re throwing your readers into an integral scene without any serious world-building. I do like your use of descriptive language – there are a few clichés, but that’s just me nit-picking. Your dialogue flows nicely too, which is a rare feat from what I’ve seen on Mibba lately.

I hope this was helpful! All the best.

Damn doubles. ::grrr:

D: Poor Goku! Urpf, I feel for him. Having all that power does come with a price. Like Spiderman's uncle Ben said, "With great power comes great responsibility."

I just hope Vegeta doesn't want to truly become a Saiyan-God because it seems like it's not worth it, even if him and Goku love to fight.

This is an awesome story and really heartfelt. Akira really should show more of the negative side affects to Goku having all that power because it seems like Chichi, despite how much she complains, is actually really accepting of Goku being uber strong and him being gone a lot.

Great Writing !
You should totally try to get it featured on http://StoriesCity.com