Living On - Comments

I loved this, it was positively cute and fluffy, both of which I adore. The story was slightly hard to follow though. You didn't establish that Jimmy had died in the beginning, so by the time that James was born, I was thoroughly confused and had to re-read it twice.

I liked Sophie's character she seems loyal and respectful, especially when Michelle was still with Brian. I also liked Brian's character. He seems to be a loving father and, I just liked him a lot.

There were a few grammatical/spelling and tense errors, but they can be easily fixed.

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Hello! I'm here to judge your contest entry!

Overall:

The background to the story was slightly hard to follow, but I did gather the main run of it. This is a very nice story to have read, and I love the father role you put Brian in!

Errors/Easy Fixes:

There are, as in all stories, errors that I found throughout the story, but they can very easily be fixed with the right word processor!

Grammar:

I did find one mistake, and that was really the only one I found, so props! You used 'thorough' instead of 'throughout'.

Current Placement

Third

I wish this was a full story