I'm here (finally!) judging the entries for my An Album of Inspiration contest!
Layout and Summary
The layout is really simplistic and doesn't take anything away from the writing itself. On top of that, it's easy to read, which is a blessing. The header image actually gives me the heebie-jeebies a bit, haha! The summary doesn't give anything away about the story itself, which might be an idea as it'd hook readers in a little more, but it isn't a huge issue.
Content
Your vocabulary is really impressive, even from the very start. It's definitely refreshing to see language like this used in a story, as I'm used to seeing simplistic sentences throughout. The one thing I'd be wary of is that you aren't using too much in terms of complicated vocabulary, as it might turn others off. I'm used to the language used due to the articles I'm required to read at university, but some of the sentences at the beginning are a little wordy and might confuse some.
Nonetheless, this is definitely an interesting story so far! You throw the reader right into the action by having this darkness and the struggle throughout. You've got this wonderful look into Lyle's mind in the first chapter, and then you have this wonderful contrast in the second chapter with the end of the conversation. I did chuckle though, I've had conversations with my own mother in a similar vein, so that just added another little hook to get me into the story.
The way that you're writing in the third chapter would usually irritate me (I'm a sucker for grammar) but I actually get the way that you're structuring it. I've ended up on caffeine highs like that myself before, so I can relate with the kind of word vomit that a brain comes up with in that groggy state and that chapter, and the end of the last chapter just really resound with me. You've done an awesome job of portraying that mindset you go into in that specific moment, which is amazing because I didn't think it was possible to do so.
Constructive Criticism
The only thing I can suggest is that some of the sentences in the first chapter are a little long and languid, a few of them use a lot of punctuation. You might benefit from splitting some of them up a little as they are tedious to read. Aside from that, I have no other suggestions!
Overall
This is a really, really interesting start! I love the idea of getting to see into Lyle's mind and find out how the way he lives his life affects him. The structure works, the character is still a mystery and that interests me more than anything. Keep up the good work!
Layout and Summary
The layout is really simplistic and doesn't take anything away from the writing itself. On top of that, it's easy to read, which is a blessing. The header image actually gives me the heebie-jeebies a bit, haha! The summary doesn't give anything away about the story itself, which might be an idea as it'd hook readers in a little more, but it isn't a huge issue.
Content
Your vocabulary is really impressive, even from the very start. It's definitely refreshing to see language like this used in a story, as I'm used to seeing simplistic sentences throughout. The one thing I'd be wary of is that you aren't using too much in terms of complicated vocabulary, as it might turn others off. I'm used to the language used due to the articles I'm required to read at university, but some of the sentences at the beginning are a little wordy and might confuse some.
Nonetheless, this is definitely an interesting story so far! You throw the reader right into the action by having this darkness and the struggle throughout. You've got this wonderful look into Lyle's mind in the first chapter, and then you have this wonderful contrast in the second chapter with the end of the conversation. I did chuckle though, I've had conversations with my own mother in a similar vein, so that just added another little hook to get me into the story.
The way that you're writing in the third chapter would usually irritate me (I'm a sucker for grammar) but I actually get the way that you're structuring it. I've ended up on caffeine highs like that myself before, so I can relate with the kind of word vomit that a brain comes up with in that groggy state and that chapter, and the end of the last chapter just really resound with me. You've done an awesome job of portraying that mindset you go into in that specific moment, which is amazing because I didn't think it was possible to do so.
Constructive Criticism
The only thing I can suggest is that some of the sentences in the first chapter are a little long and languid, a few of them use a lot of punctuation. You might benefit from splitting some of them up a little as they are tedious to read. Aside from that, I have no other suggestions!
Overall
This is a really, really interesting start! I love the idea of getting to see into Lyle's mind and find out how the way he lives his life affects him. The structure works, the character is still a mystery and that interests me more than anything. Keep up the good work!