Project Aries - Comments

This is a really interesting and original story! The dialogue flows nicely and is descriptive enough without being over kill. At all times you manage to let everyone know Bailey's thoughts, doubts, and fears. I love the whole idea of micro-chipping the agents to not only make them comply with the demands of Project Aries but also how it gives them abilities. (I guess that is what one would call them?) This is how I imagine living with those sounds would be like

Two problems I have that fall slightly short of making this story come to life for me:

First, was her parents willingness to allow them to implant the microchip in her. Personally, if that was the deal in order for me to retire from a classified organisation I wouldn't make that decision. Why would I willingly agree to subject my child to the same thing I was so desperate to get out of even if the chance of it happening was slim?

Also, I agree with Mr. Darcy about how quick Bailey became Fern. I expected more of a fight, denial, or complete rejection of the whole idea of Project Aries and also of killing someone so quickly. To me, it seems like she took it all nonchalantly and just went with it. Too much, too fast

One thing that I think would make this story better would be including more of Bailey's back story beforehand. It would allow the reader to understand her better, develop a connection, and also show them what she has lost as a result of Project Aries uprooting her from her life. But ignore this, if you are convening the jarring and abrupt effect that Bailey experiences as she is ripped from her life and suddenly thrust into another through the writing of the first chapter.

I hope all of this makes sense as it is really late here and I'm exhausted.

Anyhow, overall, this is a very unique, well written, and action packed story! Keep up the great work on this!

I couldn't spot anything in chapter three or chapter four!

Oooh, this is getting good. The whole skydiving situation? That's always been a worry in my mind, despite never having been, so that situation did not improve my opinion of that!

I wonder what's the matter with Jasmine. What if the microchip has some effects with some people and it's affecting her??

Wait what. You started Fish with five cards?? Since when?!

Sorry but that's the thing that stuck with me. Like, seriously, what is this trickery.

This is a really interesting idea. The complete unethical way that they get their agents is terrible, and is no way justifiable. And they certainly don't seem like a great organisation, but that's just what I think.

One thing that I might point out is how quick I thought Bailey became Fern. Like, I get that she had to adapt to be able to kill that guy for her second mission but I dunno, it's only chapter two and she's now Fern and it just feels a bit too early. After the third mission or later, I could understand, but the second mission which was pretty much straight after the first one? It just seems like she adapted far too quickly for someone who had no knowledge before and was totally against it.