Bound by Chains - Comments

I hope you eventually continue this one. I was really into it back when it was first posted.

This is absolutely lovely, keep going don't worry about screwing up it's creative writing, so do just that. You have a fan base and supporters (including me) hope to see more updates soon.

In all honesty, I'm having trouble focusing on reading the first chapter - partially because I'm sick, but moreso because I kept losing my focus in a few ways. For one, you kept switching tenses between past and present which made the flow kind of awkward? I also felt like there were some parts where I was missing information, but then there were sections where there was information given to me but it felt unncessary, to the point where I had to read back and be like 'what?' to understand it. For example, you mentioned a part about how Pakistani people were hateful but from memory that wasn't mentioned previously in the chapter, so it came out of left field for me. Another thing that confused me was how quickly things jumped, from her family problems to suddenly being sold through child labour? With that being said, that definitely threw me for a loop in a way that gained my interest. I've definitely never read anything like this before. The man at the end who bought Angelica definitely seems like a creep, but I feel like there's something about him that's going to throw a spanner in the works and I am here for it.

I really liked how you set up the scene in the second chapter, when explaining where Angelica was and all that. It really helped me to visualise to what kind of setting she was in and how she was feeling, especially with the sad painting she saw. It was cool but sad as well that she could relate to that.

Okay wow with the vampire bomb being dropped on us. Now that totally came out of left field and I have to say, I really enjoy that bomb being dropped? One thing I will say about it though is that because it did come out so randomly, I kind of wish there was a hint or two to signify that it didn't feel like a random plot point thrown in and more of an idea that you had been thinking about for a while, if that makes sense? Like I wish that we as readers had an inkling it was going to happen instead of being told oh shit there's a vampire up in here. With that being said though, I did appreciate how we were told that there's a vampire, because now this story has gone from 0-100 real quick and I am digging it.

Another thing I liked was that there's this hint of humanity with Havoc, despite him being a vampire and whatnot. It makes me curious to see how his relationship with Angelica will develop over time - will he always be cold or will he soften up towards her? I'm intrigued to know how this progresses. The concept for this story is incredibly interesting and original, I look forward to seeing how you develop this! Nice job!

Well that was a crazy turn of events. I definitely wasn't expecting vampires in this story, but to be honest I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting overall. I know you're only a couple chapters in so maybe once things are more developed things will make more sense, but the whole story felt really disconnected from the summary for me. I generally use summaries to feel out the vibe of a story, if you will, and what I got from the summary and what I got from the actual story just didn't match up.

I liked the relationship that was formed between Christian and Angelica in the first chapter, however, I was disappointed that they sort of just went their separate ways and it doesn't look like they'll be reuniting any time soon. It did further Angelica's development a bit though which I appreciated, but I was just a bit confused about why you spent so much time developing it for it to just feel like it fizzled into nothing. Then again, like I said, maybe it'll develop into something in the later chapters.

Things also felt very choppy and like you were sort of brushing over details. Yes, she was sad about her family, but the way you introduced felt like you just brushed over it being like "yeah, they died" and then moved on. I also felt the same way about the vampire situation. He just walked in with his red eyes, bit her and told her she's gonna be vampire food for the rest of her life, and she was like "oh, weird" and then got over it. It just didn't really sit well with me and felt pretty unrealistic to me.

Like I've said, though, the more you develop this story, the more it'll probably make sense. I think it has potential, and I hope the rest of your writing goes well!

Here to comment as a prize for the Phobias Contest.

Wow! The first chapter was simply sickening. The thought of any child or teen going through this is terrifying. It was written greatly. Your writing style is unique and interesting to follow. I love how you are ale to create stories with a dark side such as this, and it makes the plot so much interesting. The characters are diverse and well described in details. After reading this, by the mere mention of Rizvi, tension and anger consumes me, because you managed to portrayed their suffering and fears within the words. It makes the reader perceive these emotions.

The layout is simple and beautiful. The sadness shown in the image connects very well to the story's plot. In the second chapter, it took me by surprise, that it is a vampire story, which makes the concept much more interesting.

Overall, great piece so far.

I hope you eventually continue this because I absolutely love it.

As always this is amazing, your detail creates such vivid pictures as you read and it just adds to the overall emotion that the story expresses. I have to agree with Tipsy the second chapter at parts did seem rushed... good job though chick

(So sorry this is so late I've been sick all of bloody December)

Finally! Someone writes an abuse story that isn't one chapter long, I don't wanna insult anyone but I love this so far. I always enjoy a story about this kind of stuff and I think this ties in nicely. The layout is wonderful, the writing is smooth, and the characters are so well made. I can't wait for more.

This made me all emotional! I cant explain all the things I feel with this! Great job and Happy Holidays!

Please update soon! I'm really loving this & would love to read more of it. I hope you haven't gave up on it :/

Sorry, it took a while to send the comment so I clicked the submit button twice :/

Whoah! This is amazing! I mean really amazing! I love this! You're an amazing writer, and very good at this. I can't wait to see more of this!

**Merry Christmas**

Woah. I wasn't expecting that at all. The first chapter was so painful to read, because of how horrible I felt for her situation, the second one wasn't easy either, but it was nowhere near as hard as the first.

Your flow is perfect, nothing felt rushed to me, if anything it was at the perfect speed.

I do suggest that you read through the chapters before you post them, because I did catch quite a few typos, but other than that its great.

Good job! And good luck with the rest of it!

-double post sorry-

So far I have read the first chapter and I love it, the detail was amazing and I will be subscribing so I can find out what happens, I also love the summery. :)

First of all, your concept for this is fantastic. I can't say I've ever read anything with a plot for a love triangle quite like this (going off your summary of course). I really like how the slave auctions were brutally realistic. You didn't shy away from the harshness, and it made that whole scene so much more powerful and gripping.

The second chapter did feel rushed, but in the way that there was just too much information in one go about Havoc. It made for awkward conversation, and just an unnatural feel. However, I really loved the 'lesson' thing. It was such a good feature, and really added to the suspense.

You've got a really promising start here! Great job and good luck in the contest!

I love this story!! Just found it and can't wait to read more! You have a very nice flow to your writing and the story is getting really interesting :D

I love this story!! Just found it and can't wait to read more! You have a very nice flow to your writing and the story is getting really interesting :D

Gosh, I'm sorry! I don't know why my last comment posted three times! I guess it was just that good! Again, I'm so sorry about that...I'm not sure why it happened. :/

This is fabulous! I can't wait to read more!!