April Agony - Comments

Oh no! This was heart wrenching to say the least. Her death was so unexpected that it threw me for a loop. In the first chapter I enjoyed how you showed the narrator's feelings for April and how they came back together even after years had passed. The chapter caught my attention and how short the chapter was held it, and moving onto the second chapter I was saddened by how such a major part of the narrator's life had suddenly been torn away from them. The end of the last chapter killed me because the fact that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with her and that chance was taken from them just tore me up. I also really liked the dialogue at the end of the chapters, it was a nice compliment to the main text.
I really liked this, excellent job!

Summary:
I feel like the paragraph in the summary could've been put into the author's note, as it was unnecessary information. I do like the small blurb you added at the end. It didn't give too much information, but not so little that I didn't know what was going to go on, if that makes sense.

Chapter One:
I really like the first chapter. I think it gives a really good look at what's to be expected. Obviously there are strong feelings from the narrator.

Chapter Two:
Wow, this chapter was unexpected and so sad... My heart goes out for the narrator. I can't even imagine that. I'm wondering if they blame themselves for what happened.

Chapter Three:
Oh, God, they were going to propose to her???? That bit hurt me so much. The guilt they feel just kills me inside.

Honestly, this was beautiful. The shortness of everything made everything hit me so much harder than something drawn out. I loved this piece so much. You did such a fantastic job on it! I didn't see any mistakes and the flow was perfect.

I'm crying. Like literally crying right now. This story is so fanned sad and heart wrenching I want to throw my kindle, curl up into a ball under a blanket and never come out. It's so beautifully written. I like how you told it from a first person point of view as like a memoir versus a narration. I think it revealed more about the narrator that way. The sentences were structured so nicely and it flowed so fluently; your grammar and spelling were just as flawless.

Holy crap, this was heart wrenching to read.

However, each piece of the story was delivered beautifully. I loved the fact that the entire story seems to be done in dialogue. It adds a very personal element to it. The narrator doesn't have to put a ton of emotion into the words because the story speaks for itself. In fact, it almost seems as though the narrator is still going through severe shock.

Also, some of the sentences rhymed together in the beginning. I do not know if that was intentional, but it was a little piece that I picked up on.

Overall, fantastic job!

Awe, this made me so sad. I adore Let Her Go by Passenger and I think you took the feeling and lyrics of the song and matched your story really well.

I really liked the way you decided to format the chapters. Like the narrator was just telling someone his horribly sad story. Normally I find it hard to read things that don't give a lot of context, but I think it worked well for this story. I felt like it really added to the emotions that the narrator was feeling, because it was almost like it was too painful for him to add the full story in, if that makes sense.

Great job, I really enjoyed this!

Okie dokie! So this is for take a comment leave a comment.
I have to say the pic attached to the story is a bit misleading. I thought I was walking into a Lord of the Rings fanfic. Nope....



Not that this was bad. It was a tragic little short story. I appreciate the emotion / writing style. So many feeling all at once!
My suggestion would be the intro chapter is a bit confusing. Our narrator kind of zips in and out of situations that make perfect sense in his head, but I feel the reader could use a bit more information.
Overall high five and good job though. I will be sure to recommend.

:(
Chapter one:
They met in a train station, aw, they're actually precious and NO HE CANT JUST LEAVE. okay. Okay. He came back. Good. Stay back. I'm gonna need them to be together. The last sentence was just perfect.
Two: no! God damn it. No. She can't just. Die like that. They're perfect and just.. Not okay. Made me so sad
Three: oh my goodness aw he was gonna propose. It's so cute he left the ring with her, that's amazingly precious and I love it. You had this really good impactful last sentence thing going for each chapter and I love that.

That ending! Oh my god. I was not anticipating it and it sent chills all through me. Very nicely written and I kind of liked how you had it set up as if he were telling the story to me. I really liked it and I'm glad you entered my contest.

That ending! Oh my god. I was not anticipating it and it sent chills all through me. Very nicely written and I kind of liked how you had it set up as if he were telling the story to me. I really liked it and I'm glad you entered my contest.