I'm here (finally!) judging the entries for my An Album of Inspiration contest!
Layout and Summary
The layout is extremely hard to read. The picture behind the content meant I had to swap to the default to read, as it made it very difficult to read the first few sentences of everything. Your summary is good, sets out what the story is going to be about without giving too much away.
Content
I think the thing that I like the most about this story is that you've got the lyrics interweaved into the dialogue. That's definitely a really interesting way of doing things. There are occasions (and I don't know if this is just because I'm singing the songs automatically when I read the lyrics) where it does seem to be a little unusual, or to disrupt the flow but for the most part, they really work seamlessly. It definitely shows the inspiration that the album has had on the story and it makes everything just fall into place, if you get my meaning. It works really well.
The struggles that Avery has to go through are incredible, especially considering she's carrying a child. Most love triangle-esque stories that I've read haven't had something like that to deal with, it's just been a simple case of "who do I choose?", whereas this story really raises other concerns, like the moral feelings that Avery has when Greyson changes after Levi Jr is born versus that primal need she has for Levi. I think that's a really interesting thing to watch a character go through, especially when you consider how high her emotions have got to be due to hormones and the suchlike. Having to pile a decision like that on top of what she's already dealing with must have been nightmarish and you definitely capture that sense of struggle within her character as you write.
I'm glad that, in the end, she chose Levi though! I was worried she was going to feel morally obligated to follow her head and not her heart, to put Greyson's feelings and wants for his son before her own wellbeing. I do feel like there could have been more elaboration on the end, but I think you ended it on a really positive tone, which is lovely!
Constructive Criticism
I noticed quite a few typos / errors when I was reading through:
everynight -- first chapter. They should be two separate words, every night.
never has since i met him. -- first chapter. I should be capitalised.
withing the next two months -- first chapter. Withing should be within, I think.
"Times running out Grey -- first chapter. As this would break into 'time is running out', times should be time's.
atleast -- first chapter. Again, should be two separate words. at least.
ass hole -- second chapter, a few times. Should be one word, asshole.
weresecretly -- second chapter. Should be two separate words, were secretly.
"Well he treat me just like another stranger -- second chapter. Treat should be treats.
ignorance and concidedness -- second chapter. I think concidedness should be conceitedness if you're meaning what I think you are.
donnot -- second chapter. Should be do not.
some kind of strenght -- third chapter. Should be strength.
opinion honsetly thoug -- third chapter. End should be honestly though.
no where -- third chapter. Should be one word, nowhere.
eachothers -- third chapter. Should be two separate words, each others.
truely -- fourth chapter. Should by truly.
god son -- fifth chapter. Should be godson. Happens again in the sixth chapter too.
back in your pant -- fifth chapter. Pant should be pants.
kept me sain -- fifth chapter. Sain should be sane.
to get advisee -- fifth chapter. I think advisee should be advice, if I'm right in thinking. Similarly, the next advise should also be advice, I think.
livingroom -- sixth chapter, happens a few times. Should be two separate words, living room.
giiving -- sixth chapter. Should be giving.
perfeeect -- sixth chapter. Should be perfect.
childs father -- sixth chapter. Should be child's father.
when ever -- seventh chapter. Should be one word, whenever.
the the door -- seventh chapter. Double up of the.
cut the chord -- ninth chapter. Should be cord. Happens twice.
who's looks -- ninth chapter. Should be who looks
I nodd -- ninth chapter. Should be nod.
You we're -- chapter eleven. Should be you were.
over whelming -- chapter eleven. Should be overwhelming.
There are also a few instances of misplaced capitals in the middle of sentences, so I'd have a read over and sort those as well.
The only reocurring issue I noticed was with your dialogue. When you're using dialogue tags, if they follow on directly from the dialogue (so he said, she said, etc.) then you should keep the next word all in lowercase. For example:
"Sometimes I wonder," He muttered.
should be:
"Sometimes I wonder," he muttered.
It's a quick and simple fix to make and it's just a little thing, but I thought I'd point it out!
Overall
Although you've got a lot of errors, most look like typos or silly little things. It might be an idea to proof-read chapters before you post them in the future, because they really are simple little errors. Aside from that, you've got a good strong storyline going on here. Your characters are well fleshed-out and you've managed to add your own unique twist onto the idea of a love triangle, which is awesome. Good job!
Layout and Summary
The layout is extremely hard to read. The picture behind the content meant I had to swap to the default to read, as it made it very difficult to read the first few sentences of everything. Your summary is good, sets out what the story is going to be about without giving too much away.
Content
I think the thing that I like the most about this story is that you've got the lyrics interweaved into the dialogue. That's definitely a really interesting way of doing things. There are occasions (and I don't know if this is just because I'm singing the songs automatically when I read the lyrics) where it does seem to be a little unusual, or to disrupt the flow but for the most part, they really work seamlessly. It definitely shows the inspiration that the album has had on the story and it makes everything just fall into place, if you get my meaning. It works really well.
The struggles that Avery has to go through are incredible, especially considering she's carrying a child. Most love triangle-esque stories that I've read haven't had something like that to deal with, it's just been a simple case of "who do I choose?", whereas this story really raises other concerns, like the moral feelings that Avery has when Greyson changes after Levi Jr is born versus that primal need she has for Levi. I think that's a really interesting thing to watch a character go through, especially when you consider how high her emotions have got to be due to hormones and the suchlike. Having to pile a decision like that on top of what she's already dealing with must have been nightmarish and you definitely capture that sense of struggle within her character as you write.
I'm glad that, in the end, she chose Levi though! I was worried she was going to feel morally obligated to follow her head and not her heart, to put Greyson's feelings and wants for his son before her own wellbeing. I do feel like there could have been more elaboration on the end, but I think you ended it on a really positive tone, which is lovely!
Constructive Criticism
I noticed quite a few typos / errors when I was reading through:
everynight -- first chapter. They should be two separate words, every night.
never has since i met him. -- first chapter. I should be capitalised.
withing the next two months -- first chapter. Withing should be within, I think.
"Times running out Grey -- first chapter. As this would break into 'time is running out', times should be time's.
atleast -- first chapter. Again, should be two separate words. at least.
ass hole -- second chapter, a few times. Should be one word, asshole.
weresecretly -- second chapter. Should be two separate words, were secretly.
"Well he treat me just like another stranger -- second chapter. Treat should be treats.
ignorance and concidedness -- second chapter. I think concidedness should be conceitedness if you're meaning what I think you are.
donnot -- second chapter. Should be do not.
some kind of strenght -- third chapter. Should be strength.
opinion honsetly thoug -- third chapter. End should be honestly though.
no where -- third chapter. Should be one word, nowhere.
eachothers -- third chapter. Should be two separate words, each others.
truely -- fourth chapter. Should by truly.
god son -- fifth chapter. Should be godson. Happens again in the sixth chapter too.
your my fiance -- fifth chapter. Should be you're my fiancé.
back in your pant -- fifth chapter. Pant should be pants.
kept me sain -- fifth chapter. Sain should be sane.
to get advisee -- fifth chapter. I think advisee should be advice, if I'm right in thinking. Similarly, the next advise should also be advice, I think.
livingroom -- sixth chapter, happens a few times. Should be two separate words, living room.
giiving -- sixth chapter. Should be giving.
perfeeect -- sixth chapter. Should be perfect.
childs father -- sixth chapter. Should be child's father.
when ever -- seventh chapter. Should be one word, whenever.
the the door -- seventh chapter. Double up of the.
cut the chord -- ninth chapter. Should be cord. Happens twice.
who's looks -- ninth chapter. Should be who looks
I nodd -- ninth chapter. Should be nod.
You we're -- chapter eleven. Should be you were.
over whelming -- chapter eleven. Should be overwhelming.
There are also a few instances of misplaced capitals in the middle of sentences, so I'd have a read over and sort those as well.
The only reocurring issue I noticed was with your dialogue. When you're using dialogue tags, if they follow on directly from the dialogue (so he said, she said, etc.) then you should keep the next word all in lowercase. For example:
"Sometimes I wonder," He muttered.
should be:
"Sometimes I wonder," he muttered.
It's a quick and simple fix to make and it's just a little thing, but I thought I'd point it out!
Overall
Although you've got a lot of errors, most look like typos or silly little things. It might be an idea to proof-read chapters before you post them in the future, because they really are simple little errors. Aside from that, you've got a good strong storyline going on here. Your characters are well fleshed-out and you've managed to add your own unique twist onto the idea of a love triangle, which is awesome. Good job!