The Difference Between Lovers and Enemies - Comments

  • PoeticMess.

    PoeticMess. (150)

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    Hey! So I’m sorry it’s been so long since I promised a comment! I was out of town & didn’t have internet for the second half of my trip and when I returned home, it wasn’t working either. Just got it fixed last night. Anyway!

    This story is not what I was expecting it to be! I hadn’t thought she’d be a girl in a gang, since she kind of seemed like the kind to run solo, but it makes sense and it fits. Your writing is simple, but still catches your attention. I think it’s because it’s so clean and the grammar is perfect. You don’t try to use any of the cliche hooks to get people interested, you just let the words/story do the talking.

    How you started was clever, though. Beginning with her on her own in jail. It shows that even though she thinks the Kings are her family, they can’t really help her in a women’s prison/jail. It kind of sets the scene for her feeling a bit estranged from them!

    Like I said, you don’t use a lot of ‘tricks’ or come right out and say these things, so it makes the writing seem even better that readers can still latch on and understand what’s going to happen. It’s a very sneaky, clever way of foreshadowing. I like it a lot.

    You’re a clean, clear writer and that’s the only way for me to express it. You say what you want the readers to know without coming right out and saying it, but the points don’t get garbled up and lost in the details or ranting or anything like that. It’s effective writing and it catches readers’ attentions.

    Gonna subscribe and wait for future updates! :) I can see that this story can really go in any direction and I'm excited to see which way you take it!
    January 7th, 2015 at 06:10am
  • AngelicWasteland;

    AngelicWasteland; (100)

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    This story has so much potential, and is already off to a great start, the detail is good, and everything flows naturally... good job!
    December 20th, 2014 at 08:28pm
  • Cynder

    Cynder (100)

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    This is really good so far! c:
    December 16th, 2014 at 02:03am
  • Goddess of Floyd

    Goddess of Floyd (200)

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    I've really loved this story so far. Just from two chapters, I can tell that Maria is a really strong character. She's definitely the type to not take shit from anyone. XD Your dialogue is really good too. It flows well and really gives insight into the characters. I also like how you've kept the story relatively open at this point, because it means any number of things could happen, and I'm curious to know how this story's going to develop!

    This is a great start to a story that you have here! Nice work. Cute
    December 15th, 2014 at 06:24pm
  • Unspoken_Lies

    Unspoken_Lies (100)

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    Liking it so far!
    (Found it through the contest)
    Noticed two minor mistakes though:
    1st chapter, 1st line - "Do you don't have..."?
    2nd chapter, middle somewhere - "of Spanish decent" should be *descent
    But otherwise, good :)
    December 14th, 2014 at 09:23pm
  • random.ninja

    random.ninja (100)

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    Love this. Beautiful.
    December 13th, 2014 at 10:15pm
  • Alsoldey

    Alsoldey (230)

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    I want to give this story a chance seeing as the woman's name is Maria Garcia. A woman after my own surname.

    Nice first chapter.
    December 13th, 2014 at 07:01am