Vague - Comments

Beautifully written.

WOW! This was incredibly deep and sweet. The way you described this boy was just amazing. It made me think for a minute how I view my love, and how I get lost in awe when I look at him. This story brought me so many happy thoughts and memories, and I thank you for that.

This is amazingly written, the detail in it is breath taking and the emotions are really strong as you read... good job!

First off, I really enjoy your layout. It's very simplistic, without being boring. I'm personally a fan of the darker layouts, because brighter, more colorful layouts tend to be...distracting, if not done carefully - in my opinion. Also, I'd like to take just a moment to mention this boy you have. This boy.... he seems familiar, so very familiar. He's average. He's attractive, yes, but he's not overly or unbelievably so. I feel like he's someone I'd see strolling through the city, at the park with his younger sibling maybe, or possibly even at a local coffee shop. Though, I'm sure it wouldn't be a Starbucks. I just get that kinda vibe.

Okay. Word time.
Dear lord.
My, oh my, have you struck a chord. A lovely chord, mind you.

When I looked at him, I couldn’t understand how the world worked or how any of us existed within in it. It was like the thought of him and what he stood for crawled up into my soul, into the pit of my stomach, and grew there.....
Made everything feel unworthy. And he sat down like he was completely unaware of the revelations he was causing me to have, and he licked his lips and stared ahead, like nothing else really mattered except his own thoughts inside his head.

Hi. How did you perfectly describe the exact feeling of seeing someone you positively adore, admire, would do anything to be with.
Because, uhm, I leveled with that 100%.

And again, here.
I was lost to the thought of him and the sight of him, and everything he was and wasn’t.

Oh, lord. Here, again. Jeesh, I'm getting feels here.
I could tell by looking at him that his soul matched the rest of him. Dark and agonizingly beautiful. I could see him and I could see that he saw the world differently. He was in my head now, and I couldn’t even remember myself. He’d worked his way inside without even knowing it and pushed out all recognition of everything else. My name was lost to me, what did I look like? How I could I possibly focus on these things when he was truly, gloriously here.

God, he was so beautiful.

This may, quite honestly, be one of my all time favorite pieces I've ever read on this site. It's so strikingly beautiful, and so painfully...accurate. You have perfectly captured and exposed what it's like to long for someone - not even on a physical level, but on an emotional level. That shit is hard to do, man. Fucking hard. I could rave about this piece all day long and about how much I adore it. Maybe what makes this so amazing, in my opinion, is that I believe everyone can relate to it. I know there was one person who flew to the front of my mind after the first two sentences, and remained throughout.

I love this, so much. It's wonderful.
Now I'm going to go cry because of the person this piece reminded me off, ::rofl:

Comment swap; I'll try to make this as elaborate and descriptive as your own comment but to be frank: I am not the best critic you can have..

For starters the layout is amazing; it's pleasing to the eye and very stylistic. I enjoy stories with good layouts that keep the text the main attraction.

I remember there were goosebumps. Because of your little summary in the comment swap blog, I know what this story is about, but if I hadn't this is a very vague start and I love it!

Little feedback; Starting with '&' instead of 'and' in a sentence is ofcourse a artistic choice but not one I would go for. If you like it, keep it that way but it distracted me a bit.

Reading on you grab ahold of me again.

Quote

It was like the thought of him and what he stood for crawled up into my soul, into the pit of my stomach, and grew there.

This is probably my favorite line of the whole thing. It is just brilliant. I sometimes find it hard to explain why I like things or why some things just hit me in that right spot, but this just does.

I find it wonderful that you write this whole chapter without anything happening outside of her heart and head. Where are they? What are they both doing there? It's irrelevant because your betrayal of the inner storm inside of her. The hurricane he set off, is enough. It's not about the world outside of the two of them. It is not about anything, anything but that feeling.

I have no real critique whatsoever. You are great.