American Boys - Comments

Love this honey!

Happy dance for this story. Cant wait for it to get into full swing

Oh I love this!!! Cant wait for more

I like the idea and potential this story has, however I do have a few comments
You repeatedly use "took and..." (Such as "took and kept," "took and smiled,"). To be quite frank, it was rather distracting. I'm not entirely sure what it even means. First sentence: Arthur took and kept his hands nervously placed in front odvhim as we took and watched the draft."
How can he take his own hands ...? A suggestion for how I would edit that: Arthur kept his hands placed in front of him as we sat nervously, the 2014 draft unfolding around us.
And I only added a bit in because, for me, just the way you delivered that line made it sound like they were at home watching the draft on television.

Also, I would strongly suggest adding in some background information. I'm a football but, so I know who both characters are, but if someone didn't regularly watch college football last year then I believe it is safe to say they' might be a little lost. For instance, and I could be wrong, but I don't think football was actually even mentioned. If someone wasn't into sports and wanted to give this a shot, they wouldn't have a clue what kind of team the dolphins were.

My old speech professor told us to be mindful of our audience. If you are a nursing major, and you start throwin g medical terminology into your speech to a diverse group of people, only medical personnel are going to understand you. Or if I start using a bunch of police codes, only people in that kind of field will understand what 10-4, 10-8, and 10-14 mean, ya know? The same principal would apply.

Commas are hella important, lol.

Like I said, I think this has a lot of potential and it's a neat idea. Football isn't very popular on here, and that's kind of sad, but I was really excited when I saw this... Only to be a little confused after the first sentence.

This comment isn't intended to discourage or dishearten you by any means, but I hope you take what I've said into consideration. Cheers!