I Don't Keep Promises Anymore - Comments

  • raja sahara

    raja sahara (100)

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    Yo I really like this. It's very raw and emotional and sad. I never want to be in this situation, both in Mikey's and his (ex)-girlfriend's. This kept me hooked the entire time and I really want to know more lol. I actually like how it kinda looks like you just took a piece out of a longer version of this story so a lot of it is up to the reader's imagination and deduction. It really keeps you hooked and wanting to know more, and maybe it's a personal thing, but I really like that. I like that mystery of it all and having to ask, "what happened for him to end up like this?" you know?

    I think maybe the only problem I have with this story is just a few grammatical stuff that kinda took away from the emotions of this story, but I knew what you meant. If you revised this a little bit, it could probably end up a lot more powerful than you intended. Cute
    August 2nd, 2015 at 07:59am
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    I liked how realistic you were about drug use in this. A lot of times I see people write about an addict that finds love and suddenly isn't addicted anymore, which doesn't happen, so I like that you kept it real. You also added a lot of emotion which was really great. You could tell that the girl was really upset and that Mikey just couldn't care anymore.

    There was quite a few spots that could have had better punctuation, and some places where there was a word or two missing from the sentence, so just watch out for that. It also would have been nice to have more descriptions within the story to kind of make it more...vivid, I guess is the word. I agree with Michael Weston as well, it would be cool to see the backstory for the characters to see where the drugs came in and what not.

    Overall, nice job Cute
    August 1st, 2015 at 01:06am
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    I definitely wasn't expecting that. It's quite sad. I know this is a real reality for some people, so good on you for pulling it off as well as you have. I did see some grammar issues, there were a couple incomplete sentences and a few places could use better punctuation, but overall it was fine. I almost wish you had added a bit more backstory for them. Like, if you had shown us the love they once had for each other, I feel like it would make this even better. Anyway, good job with this.
    July 30th, 2015 at 06:06pm
  • Meronean

    Meronean (100)

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    Welll, hello there!! Love your writing style. It's got some really great emotion. I could feel both of their pain. Nothing bores me more then lifeless text. Make me love or hate the main character. I want to be inside their head.
    You did an excellent job at that! I knew exactly how much heroine have completely consumed this boys life. Drug addiction is really a tragic subject and I felt you handled it in a realistic way. Wink
    July 30th, 2015 at 02:00am
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    I'm a judge for the Magazine contest and I apologise for the lateness of this comment!

    Well, this is different to the others in terms of the resolution. I think only this and one other that I read had a sort of dark resolution, with this one being to stay off drugs - something that is an important resolution, no doubt - but this is the only one where the promise has been broken. I like that you included that, where this isn't about him working towards maintaining the promise, or even setting the promise, but rather the aftermath of breaking it.

    And like how the other comment says, you've left the woman nameless but you've named the drug, and with this being in the first person, it's showing how the drug is more important to him than this caring woman is. Which absolutely isn't nice.

    This does lack description in some places but it wasn't too off-putting to me, and unless you wanted to really revise this, I wouldn't worry too much about that. It was easy enough to read and follow, and even understand how he's distance himself from people who care by depersonalising them and only focusing on the one thing that will ultimately destroy his life - drugs.

    Good job on this!
    February 13th, 2015 at 03:23am
  • Flower_Child

    Flower_Child (100)

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    @ nearly witches.

    Yay I'm happy it was different enough to catch your eye! But I'm really happy you caught that I didn't mention the girl's name! I was wondering if anyone would. :) I was trying to show that the love he had for the girl is all now for the drug. I really appreciate your honest opinion and I'm glad you enjoyed the story! If you have time I would love to hear what parts you believe need help because I'm thinking of furthering this story after the contest.
    January 31st, 2015 at 02:42am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15230)

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    I'm here as a judge for the Magazine contest! Cute

    I wasn't really expecting a lot of the entries to be dark, so this (along with one of the other entries) has been a pleasant surprise! I've always enjoyed dark writing more than the writing that brings across positives, so I was really happy in a warped way to see that this doesn't end happily. I just feel that when you're dealing with a subject matter as serious as drugs, there's not likely to be a good ending to it and I think that having Mikey choose the drugs over the girl is definitely something that's more realistic in my mind, having watch people I know get hooked on this stuff and throw away everything. It just rings more true than having him try to get clean again just for the girl.

    The other thing that I find really interesting (and I don't know if this was intentional or not) about this piece is that the girl is never named, yet heroin is mentioned almost every other sentence. That just speaks volumes to me about where Mikey's priorities lie. He never calls the girl by name or personalises her in his thoughts, aside from a small bit about how she used to look, but every few sentences, he names and glamourises heroin. That definitely does show a lot about his character on the drug and how his mind functions on an everyday basis.

    I think there are some areas that could do with a little more description, but the rest of this story more than makes up for that. You've got a really interesting piece here, awesome job!
    January 29th, 2015 at 12:48pm