Little Bird - Comments

@ Mrs.Roman Godfrey

Thank you!
Yeah, nobody roots for Raven and Bellamy to be together, but they're kinda my OTP

Oh my god this is everything!!!! I'm not gonna lie I wasn't always cheering for Raven and Bellamy but oh my god I have seen the light now lol and this is just gold!!!

It probably was a bit corny, but I like corn so... You're welcome.

@ Michael Westen

Aww, thank you so much for all your kind words, Blake! I'm actually planning on going back in to rework a few things and expand a couple of the scenes because I wrote the tail end of this in a rush In all honesty, I thought the ending was a little corny (and that was one of the major parts I planned on editing), so I'm surprised/happy that you enjoyed it

I'm almost at loss for words. This was so well written... Every detail just sticks, and the emotion is like an undercurrent that moves the story along. I just... I love the way the fairy tales are sort of entwined through the story, and the end... that just killed me.

There were a few typos of sorts, but it was so easily overlooked that I didn't bother to mark them down anywhere.

Overall this gets a 10/10 rating. I'm definitely going to recommend it. I am curious though as to how you're going to even edit this, because like I said, aside from those few typos, this is a masterpiece.

So I've never seen 100, but I'm gonna be honest. You took something that I wasn't really interested in and made it into something that I was invested in! I love the layout, I love the way the story flows, I love your imagery! I am so glad you entered my contest. This was a pleasure to read.

@ scarletbegonias

Thanks!

WHYYY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME @satan

@ bob morley

Aww, thank you so much It really means a lot to me.

You are probably one of the best fan fiction writers I have come across, and that is saying something.

You did an absolutely wonderful job of creating this sensational storyline for Raven (even though her storyline on the show is just as badass, of course). You added an element to it that works so well canonically, with her and Finn having the make-believe and fairytales when they were younger. And the "princess" parallels and Bellamy's last line with how he wants a queen instead? PURE MAGIC.

It was just such a refreshing piece overall since it's hard to find REALLY good The 100 fan fiction and you, my friend, are a master at it. I personally don't ship Rellamy but this was so damn convincing that I found myself grinning the whole way through. You have a real knack for writing and I hope you continue to do this since it's definitely something you should be proud of!

@ The Alpha's Angel

Thanks!

@ doofiqua

Aww, thank you so much When you get further along in the show, you TOTALLY have to let me know what you think. I'm in desperate need of someone to gush with

"Maybe when they retold this story, they’d make her into something stronger, focus on her claws instead of all these pesky hollow bird bones."

Your use of imagery about her being a bird throughout the entire piece is fantastic! This is my favorite line. I JUST became a watcher of the 100 and I must say this is a brilliant story.

I have not arrived to the part in the show where she actually lands on earth but I just love this story so much! I'm scared to watch the show now, I hope it goes like your story goes. :D

But yes, back on track. Beautiful read. You make the reader drop right into the world. Your words leave little holes into the story that lets you sink right inside and get lost in the images. I'm sitting at work reading this and I should probably stop but meh... It's just too good. :)

This is beautifully written, and your description is amazing... it creates a vivid picture as you read, which I always love.

@ losing control.

Wow, thank you I'll definitely keep those things in mind when I go back in to edit. Thanks so much for the helpful comment.

I love all of your descriptions! You really laid everything out nicely, in a way that described all the little things but still left enough unknown that I could use my imagination. The way you kept it through the entire story was nice as well. The setting was constantly changing but you still described everything to the same level which was great.

There was one sentence that felt a little awkward to read:
"His mother’s humble kitchen was transformed into an ornate ballroom, two pairs of clumsy feet forming shaky circles in time to his parents’ old swing music as they clung awkwardly to each other, four brown eyes fixated on the tile beneath their feet."
It felt a little bit too long, which made it kind of chop up the flow you had going on.

I was hoping so hard that Raven and Finn would just be an adorable couple the whole way through, but that definitely didn't happen. The way you wrote it was much more exciting though, aha.

I really liked the setting for this story. Everything was kinda mysterious and different and it made things really interesting. I feel like if I watched the show/knew about the pairing I might have a different take on it, but having no prior knowledge, I still really enjoyed it.

I also really enjoyed how Raven's name and personality kind of matched. It was cool how you used bird descriptions to describe her. And the way that you referred to fairy tales a lot was interesting. It felt like it tied the whole story together.

And the end. Awe. So cute.

Great job!