October 26th, 2015 at 03:58pm
I love this story! You have really good imagery skills that make it easy to imagine every scene, and you're good at casual character development. Like you can get a really good sense of the characters by their speech mannerisms, body language, whether they smoke, etc without outright saying it, and you include all those things really effortlessly.
I think this story might get a lot more attention, though, if you made sure to space it out. You should never have more than one character speaking in the same paragraph, or it gets jumbled and kind of confusing, and when a story is hard to follow, a decent amount of people give up. Also, it's prettier. <3
I love where this story is going though- please keep it up. The plot line has the perfect level of complexity and the bond she has with Kellin seems really genuine and cute. Love love love it. You're an impressive story teller.
Thanks. I'm glad you like my story, I will definately try that. It's really good advice, thank you. Your comment just made my day!!!