September 3rd, 2015 at 02:25am
I thought I'd post a comment on this story since it is an original and I'm afraid I don't know much about the fandoms you're fan fictions are about so I feel I'd be a little lost and this comment wouldn't be as meaningful.
Straight off the bat I like the layout, especially the banner. I haven't seen a banner like this in a while and it's super lovely.
The prologue is nice and simple, in a very good way. It's an introduction to the story plain and simple and written well. It felt natural and smooth like real life should be and it was not clunky at all like you seemed worried that it would be. Your writing is pretty fluid and it's got a good pace so you don't get tired of reading it.
I'm really enjoying how you write your characters so far. They are very human. Which is weird thing to say, but I mean they seem to behave as people should in situations. The way you describe how they move and the conversations between Max amd Joey and Crystal is great. Like I said in the previous paragraph, your writing is fluid. This is really shown with how you slipped werewolves into this. You introducted us to the aspect of blood lust naturally without it being a lesson in the lore. The reader learns as the characters talk. I like it :)
Also, really amazing descriptive writing. With this chapter I like how you give a little insight into the way Mike is but not too much so we're still interested to know who he really is.
I am a little confused about April and Daniel. In the prologue you explained that they were twelve but their mannerisms and behaviour in chapter three make them see a lot older. I don't know if I'm missing something but I'm a little lost in the timeline of things. There are a couple of grammatical errors in this chapter. Occasionally you've forgotten a capital letter and used too many question marks but nothing bad. You could have easily missed these when writing it so don't worry about it! It doesn't take away from the quality of the story.
From what I've gathered in the last chapter is that Max is like a supernatural detective? As a reader it's good that I have a few questions as it means I'm interested to read more. Especially with how you've hinted towards this “spell”, the history of this place and Max's lost girl.
I am a sucker for good developed characters and you're developing Max really well! The quick temper is a nice additional. It's always awesome when someone writes a character with a fatal flaw like this. It's relatable and that's what readers enjoy; being able to connect to a character and find aspects of themselves in them.
Overall, this seems like the start of a good, well rounded story and I'm looking forward to see how you continue it. It has a lot of potential and I think you're writing style and skill means you'll be able to make this story live up to it :3
Straight off the bat I like the layout, especially the banner. I haven't seen a banner like this in a while and it's super lovely.
The prologue is nice and simple, in a very good way. It's an introduction to the story plain and simple and written well. It felt natural and smooth like real life should be and it was not clunky at all like you seemed worried that it would be. Your writing is pretty fluid and it's got a good pace so you don't get tired of reading it.
I'm really enjoying how you write your characters so far. They are very human. Which is weird thing to say, but I mean they seem to behave as people should in situations. The way you describe how they move and the conversations between Max amd Joey and Crystal is great. Like I said in the previous paragraph, your writing is fluid. This is really shown with how you slipped werewolves into this. You introduced us to the aspect of blood lust naturally without it being a lesson in the lore. The reader learns as the characters talk. I like it :)
Also, really amazing descriptive writing. With this chapter I like how you give a little insight into the way Mike is but not too much so we're still interested to know who he really is.
I am a little confused about April and Daniel. In the prologue you explained that they were twelve but their mannerisms and behaviour in chapter three make them see a lot older. I don't know if I'm missing something but I'm a little lost in the timeline of things. There are a couple of grammatical errors in this chapter. Occasionally you've forgotten a capital letter and used too many question marks but nothing bad. You could have easily missed these when writing it so don't worry about it! It doesn't take away from the quality of the story.
From what I've gathered in the last chapter is that Max is like a supernatural detective? As a reader it's good that I have a few questions as it means I'm interested to read more. Especially with how you've hinted towards this “spell”, the history of this place and Max's lost girl.
I am a sucker for good developed characters and you're developing Max really well! The quick temper is a nice additional. It's always awesome when someone writes a character with a fatal flaw like this. It's relatable and that's what readers enjoy; being able to connect to a character and find aspects of themselves in them.
Overall, this seems like the start of a good, well rounded story and I'm looking forward to see how you continue it. It has a lot of potential and I think you're writing style and skill means you'll be able to make this story live up to it :3