Covert - Comments

Jade REALLY need to pay more attention since she's a girl, so, you know, a possible VICTIM. I'm pretty sure it's Aiden, but maybe there's a plot twist...

jjjjjeeeeezz I'm really in to this???? I really enjoyed reading this through and just giggling along - it's a testament to your writing that we're only a couple chapters in and I already have a firm hold on (and stupid love for) your characters, especially Jade! I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it - I already have so many ideas about who is committing these crimes and I'm like 99% sure it's not Aiden BUT I WANNA KNOW SO BAD.

PS- It doesn't really matter, but I thought you might like to know for your future reference: Australia's national police force is called the AFP or Australian Federal Police. Australia also has a separate "spy organisation" (lol I'm just imagining them flagging me for writing this) called ASIO (Australian Security Intelligence Organisation) that I think would be equivalent to the FBI or CIA - they're probably the agency most likely to be involved in an FBI operation. In all honesty, though, it doesn't really matter - you get your point across regardless!

Layout / Summary
Okay so can we just talk about my love for this layout, firstly? It's all very minimalistic, but that image makes it pop and just genuinely gets me curious as anything. I sat and tried to work out the image itself for like 5 minutes, so that's a good sign to begin with. The summary is dynamic and exciting, but leaves enough that the reader is drawn in. Besides, you know already that I'm 100% a sucker for crime fiction so I'm gonna enjoy this regardless.

Content
The first line holds such a punch, and definitely gets me excited to see where this'll go. The way that you describe the numbness spreading and the handsome stranger conveniently showing up just as she's feeling woozy are definitely things that I really enjoyed about the first paragraph alone.

OKAY SO I'M ALREADY LOWKEY MAKING MY ASSUMPTIONS. By the end of the first chapter, I'm calling it being Aiden. My spidey senses are tingling. Also, the strawberry + strawberry thing? Definitely something up there. But I don't know if it's just a ploy to make me think that it's Aiden. It's definitely interesting, because the whole thing could be a set-up to make me think it's him and then it's somebody totally different. Either way I'm totally hooked on this so far.

I love undercover cops, so we're totally getting better and better as the time goes on. What I like about this, though, is that we don't have a top secret spy going in. Jade's a recruit, and she's clearly inexperienced in the field, which will be really interesting to see. I anticipate the whole thing is just gonna blow up, but I could be wrong. She's obviously got the skills or the prerequisite knowledge if she's hired, but it'll be interesting to see how those skills evolve throughout the story.

I really how down-to-earth Jade seems so far, though. She's got this really laid-back attitude, but with that little aspect of "ohshitohshitdeadlines" that I feel like every college / university student has at some point, especially when she's talking about not having enough time to read stuff. I think she'll fit in well as a university student, providing she doesn't weird out Grant again, ha.

To my relief, no one’s having sex in the common room -- OKAY BUT CAN WE JUST BECAUSE THIS WAS MY THOUGHT EVERY PARTY WE HAD IN THE NETHERLANDS. Seriously, it's such a relief. I bonded with Jade in our mutual knowledge that this happens.

Concrit
I have none. Go you!

Overall
I am so into this so far. You've got such dynamic characters and a really nice plot going. I'm definitely subscribing and I'm gonna constantly pester you for updates which is cool with you, yeah? But yes, great job, keep it up.

I think people suspect about Aiden for obvious reasons, but maybe Grant is the actual criminal.

"I said you were sexy, dude, not that I was interested." O M G HAHAHAHAHABA jade is so sooooo badass and blunt and she's amazing. And Keith omg. Am I the only one who wants them to be a thing??? SO READY FOR THE PARTY. And like El, I love the humor in this

OMG YES MELBS REPRESENT
God I fricking love this already, the way the story starts, the chapter titles as dates. I don't know how to describe the way I love your writer's voice. I think this is going to be such a hilarious story bc Jade's going to be thrown into it.

On to the story — oh my. I feel like the murderer's dialogue is so creepy. I love the clues you're dropping (HAHA GET IT because he dropped the gum wrapper), because then I get to try and figure it out myself. I also liked that you included the lil vignette with Grant and Aidan BECAUSE I SEE THIS STRAWBERRY GUM THING. I SEE IT.

Okay I didn't expect the first person, but I can dig it. FRICKING YAS SLANG. It was a bit difficult to get through with the dialogue wall, but I like the way you set up the chapter. I know it's one of those like scene-setting chapters, but I think you did it really well and without giving too much information at once. Plus I like how there's an incentive for Jade with all the uni stuff.

I don't have too much to say on chapter 2, I'm sorry, but I'm really stoked for what's next! Is Jade gonna keep her accent or nah? Is she gonna drive because it's on the other side and like, roundabouts fuck me up when I have to switch sides. Also trust Aiden to be hot I wonder if the murderer isn't actually Aiden or Grant?

edit: Forgot to mention that I really like how there's some humour in the story, even though the first chapter was really serious and highkey creepy with the murderer bit. Also I've just gone and looked at the character bits and DAYUM those are some attractive people, and also "what were they thinking"

(FYI: This comment is going to be all over the place.)

Okay. So this shit is right up my alley. Crime. Murder. A kick-ass female protagonist. I am SO ready for this.

I've missed your writing (and you!), so I was really excited when I found out that you had a new story.

Fun Fact: The current president of my alma mater college (oh yeah, I'm a college graduate now, haha) used to be second in command of the FBI, so when he was inducted as our president last year James Comey came to speak. I was freaking out.

You don't have to change this because I'm probably the only person who would notice this, but Jade probably would not have met with the Director of the FBI (props to you for doing your homework, though!). There are supposedly around 2,000 serial killers in America right now, and if James Comey had to be the head of each case and had to meet with everyone involved with each case he would be exhausted. In all actuality, each state has their own branch, and some states have more than one. So Jade would probably have met with the Director of the San Francisco branch of the FBI.

As you probably know, after knowing me for almost eight years, I am a sucker for romance. So I already ship Jade and the roommate (even though I assume Jade and the suspect will happen as well).

Also: I'm really curious about the suspect. I mean, what more do they have in him, he can't be the only person who chews strawberry gum, right?

I just have a lot of feelings, haha! I can't wait to read more :)

I love a good story about the investigation of a serial killer. You go, girl.

JADE, SHOW SAMANTHA YOU'LL BE A GOOD UNDERCOVER

I liked the opening scene with the FBI agents and their interactions! I thought it was nice and it flowed nicely! With Samantha's argues and concerns in the beginning, that made me think of some sort of foreshowing that Jade may or may not be successful with her case anD THAT MAKES ME MORE EXCITED TO READ BC I WANT OUR HOMIE TO BE GREAT

I also liked the culture shock element you added. This part of a line, "...university – sorry, college," was amazing, as you made Jade aware of her new surroundings! She's witty and I love that the most about her!

I am so so ready to read about Jade's training with Callahan

Not boring at all!!! Ready for Jade to get this going

layout is bomb

YES YES YES
I love that you reposted it! As for the bomb af plot, I'm really excited to see how this unfolds. AND THE STRAWBERRY FLAVOR THING IS MESSING ME UP like what is this twist you already have
I'm very excited for this

always been in lalalove with stuff like this (mostly tv shows)
READY WHEN YOU ARE

YOOOOOOOOO this looks legit
everyone is so hot
I'm so ready for this