November 17th, 2017 at 05:04am
First off, I love the layout. God, I love the layout. Also, I feel like I need to add that I'm not really sure I know anything about SPN other than the main actors are very cute? But, alas, I am very interested.
It felt as though a dozen battering rams had been bulldozed into her gut and there had been an explosion there, sending waves of agony through her limbs
I want to comment on this sentence because this is exactly how I feel right now. cramps
She was cold too, there was a draft, wherever she was and the wind was grazing against her bare stomach, arms and legs.
I don't really think that comma needs to be there. It just feels like an unnecessary break in the sentence, if that makes sense.
As I come to the end of chapter one, I'm just like "???" because I just want to know why she was in the cave and who put her there. I like the way this was set up because it leads to the reader asking questions, wanting answers, and setting us up to read more.
And reading chapter two has only left me with more questions (which obviously means I'm going to keep reading after I post this comment). I feel like there's so much about Mickey that I just need to know. Who is Sam to her? Why were they supposed to protect her? From what?
God I just love your description and the imagery, as well. You've really done a great job with this. (Granted, I've never read anything of yours that I didn't just love.)
So yes, I'm definitely excited to read this. I'm glad that you didn't waste time trying to introduce us to these characters, that we hit the ground running. It's hard to find stories like that.
So yeah, definitely digging this.
Wow, this was a very intense first chapter, but I really enjoyed it! You really brought the reader in and made them wonder what was going on along with the girl. How did she get there? Who was holding her captive? What's even going on?
Two
Your characterization of the brothers is so good. You got Dean's protective nature down to a T as well as Sam's worrying nature.
Three
God, I'm in Sam and Dean's shoes. I really want whomever did what they did to Mickey to pay dearly.
Four
Ned definitely doesn't seem like a good guy for Mickey. I think Lorena is right in the fact that she should dump him. Also, holy crap, I was not expecting that ending.
Five
I love how helpful Sam was in this chapter. And Jo's reaction to seeing Mickey that way and her not recognizing her was painful. Well done!
Six
I feel so bad for everyone. I feel bad for Mickey for not remembering and I feel bad for Sam, Dean, and the family for her not remembering any of them. I can't even imagine how painful that would be on them.
Seven
I'm glad they were able to get revenge for what happened to Mickey!
Eight
Yes, Cas to the rescue!
Nine
I like how you're taking your time with the flashbacks and Mickey getting her memory back. Her remembering Dean was really sweet though and I enjoyed that little moment between them.
Ten
Uh oh, something tells me something's going to go wrong with Mickey remembering everything. I'm getting so into this story and I can't wait to read more!!
Eleven
I like seeing the process of her meeting the boys and learning how to shoot a gun!
Twelve
I like how Mickey convinced Dean to give Sam's decision a chance. If not for her, who knows what Dean would've done. Or, it's obvious, but still.
Thirteen
Jo is a good sister and I'm glad she's sticking by Mickey. I'm glad all of them are sticking by her, actually.
Fourteen
I love Mickey and how she handles Dean. It's perfect. I'm sad I've reached the end of what you've got, so I'm definitely ready for another update. This was really good!