Entrapment - Comments

OKies stevie, I have to apologize for not reviewing sooner. I have been reading this but i keep forgetting to comment! (my brain is weird that way). I'm really enjoying the direction this story is taking. I mean you have Bulma initially wanting Vegeta and the other Saiyans as research subjects but yet she finds herself being attracted to Vegeta and you pull off Vegeta's primal self really well. 0_0 And this latest chapter! Wow. I'm really liking how Vegeta took some sort of pity on Bulma (even if he's claiming she's just there to be of use to him. XD). AND YOU ADDED KAKKAROT! (you already know how I feel about Goku in general. XD).

That's all I can say except you're doing a great job. :) Keep it up! :)

Ohhh snap!!!

First off, I'd like to say that I really enjoy your layout. I'd also like to add that I never watched Dragon Ball Z when I was younger, so I probably won't know much about the canon universe. That being said, I'm sorry if I point out something that's wrong.

I absolutely love your description. I'm really a sucker for descriptive stories like this.

The way he carried himself, it appeared he was very important, to himself at least.

I'm not sure why, but I really enjoyed this line.

She ran forwards, take the s off forwards.

I really liked the backstory you gave explaining how the 'aliens' got there. It was informative and full of description (which I already said I loved, haha).

I only saw a few mistakes, but nothing that detracted from the story too much. That being said, you did an amazing job!

@ Proud Saiyan Warrior
Haha, I guess I haven't been looking hard enough. I loved Dragon Ball, DBZ, and even Dragon Ball GT (to an extent ) when I was younger.

Dashes can be tricky, which is why I pretty much avoid using them. I try to find ways to say what I want to say without using them. Stylistically, dashes can be great and even look nice. If you're not sure about whether or not you've used too many dashes, try reading your draft aloud. If you emphasize the dashes and treat them as commas (that is, give a pause when you come across one), you may find that you can eliminate some of the dashes. That's a trick I like to do when I'm doing any writing.

@ sightless.

:P I actually have like, 20 DBZ stories, ranging from chaptered, short and one-shots. I'm kind of a DBZ fangirl ._. Haha

Thank you so much for this honestly, I always wondered if my dashes were over the top. Funny thing is, I actually delete a WHOLE lot more in the editing process. I have a love affair with dashes ;;_;;

But seriously, Thank you so goddamn much. -kisses feet- I love con/crit. <3

Do my eyes deceive me? Could this actually be a Dragon Ball Z story? I never thought I'd come across one!

First off, the title is very attention grabbing. It makes me curious and almost gives off a sense of claustrophobia or seclusion. Your layout is amazing too! Also, that little snippet in the summary. It just pulled me in and made me want to read more.

You write quite well. You provided a good amount of detail that gave me an idea of the personalities of the characters or little quirks of theirs. It was a nice read, very interesting and had a good blend of description and action. You clearly thought this through.

Be careful of your capitalization and use of dashes, though. I noticed that after you used a comma, you tended to capitalize the next word as if it were a new sentence. Here's one example of this: A large palm landed on her shoulder and as she looked to see who it was, She was not surprised at all at her follower. You also seem to favor using dashes, which isn't a bad thing. They work well with providing details or emphasis, but I saw that you used them a lot. If it's used too much, it can make sentences sound short and choppy. Also, not all the words after the dash need to be capitalized, especially if it's not a complete sentence.

That being said, you've put an interesting spin and set-up on the Dragon Ball Z story! I look forward to seeing where you take this!

Yeah I noticed lol I read all the descriptions of the saiyins and goku was there. It's easy to spot him. This is definitely interesting. It pulls you RIGHT in

@ Albluerose

Oh I totally should have mentioned it in the summary, Haha, Goku is one of the captured Saiyans. I'm doing this kind of like Silence of the Lambs/Personal Twist. I want her to only just be learning about them ^.^

Thank you so much for your comment, ^.^

I have to say that I really like this story, you are doing one heck of a good job. I am guessing that this may or may not be with Goku is around since hes not mentioned and she has no idea who or what they are. Unless, did she even meet Goku yet? Haha sorry. I think I noticed like one spelling error but that was about it, I am not picky when it comes to those things. I do like your description and detail, when he sniffed her I was like uh woah back up, we don't sniff people on earth.

Either way you are doing a great job and I cant wait to see where this goes, rec and subscribing :)

Damn that dr. gero for trying to get in on Bulma's projects. he only wants to make cell.

Damn, that was an amazing start, Stevie. 0_0 I mean the way Vegeta was primal was interesting and Bulma's slight naivety of it. And to bring Dr. Gero - pure genius. :D Now I'm wondering what Bulma's plans are for Nappa, Vegeta, and Raditz.