Captivus - Comments

Stayed up all night reading this, it's one of my favorite stories on here. Update soon please!

I so LOVE this story!!!

Love the updates! Haha I'm surprised he was so cool about Nick and not more jealous/possessive. Glad you're still updating!

I'm a new reader but I'm engulfed, please update soon!!

@ CAPTUS
thank you so much, it means a lot. life's been a bit too hectic tbh, but i am still writing, little by little. sorry for the slow going, i'll try my best to have something up very soon. and thanks for the feedback, it really does keep me going

Hope you're doing okay and that you haven't given up on this story! It's my favorite.

@ werealljustwanderers
You're welcome!

@ AliMeansWings
Thank you so much for the feedback! i honestly really appreciate it more than you know

The layout is MUCH better! Also, it seems that Luna and Elias are on the path to something more functional, but something tells me that's not the case. I'm loving this!

Okay, I have to repeat a lot of the other reviewers in saying that the white text on black background is really difficult on the eyes.

That said... I still just read all 10 chapters in a binge.

Yeah, the relationship is totally abusive. It's definitely a Stockholm Syndrome sort of situation. And yes, it's very Fifty Shades-esque, but your writing is phenomenal and I just kind of got sucked into it.

I kind of want to see if Elias and Luna develop a more functional relationship, but somehow I doubt that's going to happen. Maybe you'll surprise me, though.

I'm definitely subscribing.

MY GOD!!!!!! I LOVE this story! Please. You have to keep writing. This is my favorite kind of story to read. The dynamic and tension build between them. I just......ah the feels.

Not a fan of the layout color scheme of the white font on black background. It's too straining on the eyes. As for the summary, well, it's eye catching. But it's also very off-putting. It seems like an extremely abusive situation and I'm honestly very worried about how all of this is going to play out. I'm not a huge fan of how you titled the chapters either. The periods on either side of the title aren't really needed.

Chapter One:
Yes, Elias. Secluded like you like it so you can be a creepy creep who creeps. I am NOT a fan of Elias due to the summary and the beginning of this so far. He is SUCH a creep and very psychopathic. Like, I know it's his character and if you were going for that visage, you did a fantastic job of it, but damn is he an unlikable character in my opinion.
Holy....a high school kid? Damn, Elias... You just have to be a creep in all the worst ways, man...
The chick sounds like the stereotypical nerdy girl in school. Your line describing her as "forgettable" is pretty accurate for that type of a student. I do like that you bring attention to the problematic behaviour of boys/men, that they play with women and don't really respect them. I also like that, while she is very stereotypical in the beginning, you did mention her starting to come into herself and change how she looked due to her confidence.

Alright, I feel just a smidgen better now that I know she's no longer in high school. But it's still creepy. And he did all of it purely because he was, in essence, an obsessed fan-boy who just HAD to have the original. Good lord, men like Elias are the reason I am wary of cis-gender men...

Overall, the writing itself is impeccable. I didn't see any errors and your descriptions were very well written. Unfortunately, the content of the story is what is stopping me from desiring to read more. It's too much like Fifty Shades of Grey and House at the End of the Street for my taste. The relationship is entirely too abusive. I do really hope you take more of a Stockholm Syndrome avenue with continuing this because in no way is this healthy. Plus you've established her character as not wanting anything romantic with him, and I like strong female characters that can say no to men, despite the men's methods of winning her over.

Anyway, I wish you the best with your writing of this.

The white font on black was definitely displeasing on the eyes to read, in my opinion.

Summary:
Elias seems like a creep already. What if the female wants out of the relationship? Would he force her to stay no matter what? Honestly, this is kind of reminding me of 50 Shades of Grey and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Chapter One:
Automatically I feel in love with your writing style. The descriptions you used were beautiful and I love how you explained Elias in a way that made the readers understand the summary a little more. He was always bossed around by his father, so of course he's going to turn out differently.
Ah, and then it got creepy. But he soon found the one thing he’d wanted most in the world wasn’t something he could buy… which is why he stole it. Or perhaps he should say, he stole her. Elias, please.
Ah, so she's a high schooler that's kept in the basement. I'm definitely wondering how the kidnapping went down or if she went with him willingly. I'm assuming she develops a case of Stockholm Syndrome?
Already Elias is showing really abusive behavior and I'm not sure how I feel about it, though I am happy that he didn't take advantage of her while she was drunk.
I definitely feel sorry for Luna and I hope she's able to make it out of there.

All-in-all, I love your writing style and didn't see a single mistake in this. Due to the fact that these stories simply aren't my cup of tea, I won't be continuing this, but I wish you the best of luck!

I like your summary! I find it a bit difficult on the eyes to read white font on black though. Just a personal thing, but it might effect other readers.

So, I noticed you use the semicolon and ellipses a lot. I would try and cut it down. It's incredibly easy to get carried away when writing to over use those. And dashes. Be careful, they can be distracting. You use a lot of commas. Try changing up your sentences a bit. It will help the flow become more natural.

I noticed that you don't really describe her until eight paragraphs down. And you went with a cliche type girl. Which can be okay but it can also be harmful to your writing. (I'm only basing this on one chapter so forgive me). Give her something that really pulls him in. That should be what you lead off with when describing her. Give your readers that same feeling he gets. You want the reader to be hooked in your first chapter. Tease the reader. Make them want to read more. I would really recommend opening your story with action. Him seeing her. Seeing that thing that really pulls him in. Get us hooked.

Your first chapter is basically a giant info dump. Which can be okay. But I would try and stay away from it. (I'm just as bad at it. Don't worry! lol) Have the information slip in. Or leave it out. You as the writer should know all of the details but the reader doesn't. Give the reader the information to keep the reading.

Soo HAWT! I look forward to the next update!

@ Simsim109
Sorry it's been so long! i'm just editing a chapter right now, so it'll be up within the next 15 mins, probably :)

Can we please have more of this? It's so damn good !

Can we please have more of this? It's so damn good !

Just wanted to say thank you so much to those of you who comment! The feedback is really motivating and it kinda makes my day :)

Omg so excited