Apple - Comments

  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Member
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    27
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    United States
    I don't know what I was expecting, but this was just brilliant. It's such a well known story, and this just breathes new life into it. I love it, especially the part about how the snake said everything right, it definitely holds a candle to the rest of the drabble.

    The ending is also quite great, and not only because of the truth it has. It just reaffirms everything already written.

    You did wonderful. Definitely deserve every recommendation you've gotten for this, including mine.
    July 2nd, 2015 at 04:32pm
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    Board Moderator
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    I don't think I've ever read a story that retold the story of Adam and Eve, and I really like that you did it in drabble form! It was a really cool glimpse into the infamous moment, and it was really easy to focus on the situation with how simple and clear it was.

    One thing I noticed:
    Adam did the same mistake, and then, God’s fury fell upon them.
    I feel like "Adam made" instead of "Adam did" would sound a little less awkward. Just my opinion though!

    Very lovely drabble!
    June 22nd, 2015 at 10:35am
  • silent hearts.

    silent hearts. (1050)

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    Bibliophile
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    Wow. I am a huge fan of rewriting/retelling, and this is a fantastic glimpse of a retelling of the story of the Garden of Eden. The clarity in your writing of each action - of taking the bite of the apple, and frankly, the lack of regret afterwards, is breathtaking. You've articulated the moment so clearly that I feel myself there, tempting God and eating the fruit, and it's fantastic. This is an incredibly well-crafted drabble.
    June 4th, 2015 at 05:51pm