The Fear of Falling Apart - Comments

  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

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    I'm here as a judge for the Anything Goes contest.

    First off, I want to say that I really want to know how this story ends. I found myself getting really invested in Allie and Brendon's relationship and their lives, and you left it on such a cliffhanger. Unless that was the end, in which case I really need a sequel to this story.

    Seriously though, I find I tend to have a harder time getting invested in fan fiction of bands that I don't particularly love, but I really found myself wanting to know what was happening with them. I liked that way that the chapters weren't necessarily in chronological order, and that you chose to start in the present and then pick very specific parts of the past to show the reader. It helped give us background information without having to awkwardly try and interject parts of the past into the future moments. However, I feel like, since you had the dates at the top of each chapter, you didn't need to have everything italicized. I just found it a bit weird to read a bunch of italicized chapters in a row. I understand why you were doing it, it just didn't really seem necessary.

    I also thought it was a bit awkward having the thoughts of the different characters written out. I feel like there were different ways to include those thoughts without literally writing them out, because it really felt like it broke up the flow of the chapters having it there. Even having bits of thoughts throughout the story without having it bolded and written out so extensively would have helped make it feel less choppy.

    There were a few grammatical errors, as well as errors in the formatting of the dialogue that I saw. Sometimes you formatted the dialogue tags correctly, but other times you don't. For example:

    "A water please." He responded should be "A water please," he responded". There should be a comma before the quotation mark, and the word after it (he, she, etc.) should he lowercase.

    Overall though, like I said, I was invested in this story and I really want to know what happens. Thanks for entering!
    July 21st, 2017 at 10:19am
  • Chef_clizzy

    Chef_clizzy (100)

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    Please update soon!!
    April 25th, 2017 at 05:29pm
  • VampirePixie16

    VampirePixie16 (100)

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    I really hope you finish this story or at least make a sequel to it.
    December 21st, 2016 at 08:45pm
  • Death_to_Roses

    Death_to_Roses (100)

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    Well that's heartbreaking.
    July 21st, 2016 at 09:16pm
  • Jennywho

    Jennywho (100)

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    oh, this is good. been a long time since i've read a story this good! looking forward for an update! :)
    May 17th, 2016 at 03:36am
  • call of the wild

    call of the wild (100)

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    Ugh, I don't know why that posted twice. I apologize. Silly wifi.
    April 7th, 2016 at 04:04am
  • call of the wild

    call of the wild (100)

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    I'm so heavily invested in this story it's unhealthy. I'm hoping you update soon so I can find out the whole story behind Allie and Brendon's break up. I like them together so much, but I know people grow up and change, and that sometimes happy endings don't happen.
    April 7th, 2016 at 04:02am
  • call of the wild

    call of the wild (100)

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    I'm so heavily invested in this story it's unhealthy. I'm hoping you update soon so I can find out the whole story behind Allie and Brendon's break up. I like them together so much, but I know people grow up and change, and that sometimes happy endings don't happen.
    April 7th, 2016 at 04:02am
  • TrustMyRage

    TrustMyRage (100)

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    Oh my I'm addicted please write some more!
    January 21st, 2016 at 02:08am
  • Sirmachiatto

    Sirmachiatto (100)

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    This story is cringeworthy in all the best ways! Please keep writing! Smile
    December 10th, 2015 at 03:15am
  • AutumnBlooms

    AutumnBlooms (100)

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    Nice update! Wondering why it ended like that, but can't wait to read more!
    September 15th, 2015 at 06:08pm
  • Death_to_Roses

    Death_to_Roses (100)

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    I'm already so heartbroken. :(
    Looking forward to further heartbreak!
    September 15th, 2015 at 01:46am
  • abigail.

    abigail. (400)

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    I like the story, I really do. I like where you're going with it. I saw very few errors and really enjoy the plot. I'm not a fan of the layout, it's a little hard to read. I also feel like this story could use a little more imagery and description. However, I really am invested in these characters. I'm also going to recommend getting a beta/editor, so that if there are any grammatical/spelling errors you miss, someone can catch them before you post. Thank you so much for entering my contest, it was a pleasure to read this :)
    July 10th, 2015 at 05:29am
  • theperfectpirate

    theperfectpirate (100)

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    more. more pleaseeeee.
    July 8th, 2015 at 04:36am
  • abigailaag

    abigailaag (100)

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    good story so far!
    June 16th, 2015 at 09:49pm
  • reinventheart

    reinventheart (100)

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    This is amazing<3 Please update soon!
    June 10th, 2015 at 07:21am