Nosce Te Ipsum - Comments

  • warmaiden

    warmaiden (6085)

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    why do i love this so much. the first line is literally something that is i question. i never thought... like no one ever really thinks they'd be in a situation that would be life threatening or life altering & i love that way too much. the truth right there. to do the right thing would mean death & if not mine then my mother's - trying to put myself in those shoes & i can't even consider @ this point. but my god this is a very powerful piece.
    July 8th, 2015 at 07:03am
  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

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    Yeah, YEAH, that sound you hear that sounds a lot like a cannon? Probably my brain. I just went through so many scenarios in my head trying to figure out how they ended up in this situation. It was so fast-paced and blunt yet descriptive enough to put me in the moment, in the scene, and somehow find some kind of relation in this sacrifice. But I still want to know how and why and gah. This was nicely done, I liked it a whole bunch and I even sorta like the mystery.
    July 4th, 2015 at 04:42am
  • hiwagang hapis

    hiwagang hapis (1550)

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    This is a well-written drabble. Although not descriptive, it's still telling a scene that I can picture in my mind. You've done a good job with this piece.

    I just noticed a few things:

    know thyself I breathe as they wait.
    If it's a dialogue, then it should be placed under quotation marks. But if it is a thought, it can be placed under apostrophes. Also, 'K' will have to be capitalized because dialogue or not, a sentence starts with a capitalized letter.

    It could look like: Know thyself, I breathe as they wait.

    As I stare, straight and blank against the barrel of the gun that was pointed right between my eyes
    This is awkward to read - mostly because of word choice. I believe you could use a word that can fit in nicely with the sentence than "against". With the word "stare", "at" would be commonly used.

    Overall, this piece can still be more descriptive than it is. It's nicely done but it can be better.
    June 20th, 2015 at 12:48pm
  • silent hearts.

    silent hearts. (1050)

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    Um, wow. I don't understand how you managed to make a situation that I've never experienced feel that relatable. The weight of the choice in the words that you used as the internal dialogue is just incredible. I thought the most powerful part of this drabble was when you described freedom without the freedom of the conscience, and how that was such a large part of what had your character make their choice.

    I'm also a fan of the fact that you didn't end it with the character saying, "Shoot me," but it actually happening. I don't know why, necessarily, but that really stuck out as something interesting to me. Fantastic story!
    June 19th, 2015 at 05:18am
  • The Real Mitt Romney

    The Real Mitt Romney (250)

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    I read these the day you posted it and I still am unsure how to word my feelings XD

    I enjoy how vague this is (heh tehe) but how detailed it is at the same time. Like Michael Westen, I wonder about the background of the story. Just why are they in such a situation? I like the selflessness your character portrays, to choose to die over letting their mother die. It's quick paced but the last few sentences do a great job of wrapping everything up. I like how you incorporated Nosce Te Ipsum into your story - I like that your character stated it in English, it leaves the reader to wonder just what the title says, if they're unaware. I love how much I know about this character just from their one thought. I like the sickly sweet sacrifice. Nice job~
    June 19th, 2015 at 01:57am
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    @ vaguethoughts
    You're welcome Smile Glad I could help!
    June 16th, 2015 at 03:43pm
  • vaguethoughts

    vaguethoughts (100)

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    @ Michael Westen
    I couldn't thank you enough for the comments you've provided, aside from being super helpful, this motivates me in the stories I work on. Thank you, thank you so much! :D It means a lot. :)
    June 16th, 2015 at 06:22am
  • Michael Westen

    Michael Westen (450)

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    Holy crap. I love this.

    I can't even form thoughts right now so I'm just going to go ahead and hit recommend.

    Really though, this is brilliant. It's like a snapshot into a story, and I'm so intrigued at the events surrounding it. What happened to get to this point? What happens with the character's mother? Why was the character in that situation?

    Wonderful, wonderful job.
    June 16th, 2015 at 02:59am