Drown My Demons. - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Anything Goes contest.

As someone who knows virtually nothing about Teen Wolf, I found this story a bit hard to get into. It all felt very disconnected and like there was a lot of information missing -- I'm not sure if it was because you were trying to add mystery to it or because I don't watch the show. The lack of details definitely contributed to that, a lot of the story felt vague, and while that's good to help add mystery to the story and get readers interested, too little detail just make things confusing.

I did like the characters in the stores and the way you've built the relationships with them. Eve is really interesting, I really want to know more about her past and what happened to her family, and what type of supernatural creature she is exactly. I'm also curious about the sheriff and his relationship to Eve -- he's obviously involved in the supernatural world somehow, but something seems kinda odd between them so I'm interested to see what's up there.

So far I feel like you have the makings of a really good story. You have an interesting plot, good characters, and a bit of mystery. I would just suggest cleaning up the story a bit and adding in some more detail so the reader can really get fully invested and know what's happening -- as much as you want them to know, at least!

Thanks for entering!

What I like about this is that there is small flashbacks within the chapters, giving information about her family and what happened to them. I like how she basically gets lost in the flashbacks and when she comes to, people are wondering where she went, mentally of course, not physically.

I am curious about the relationship with Eve and the sheriff. Maybe he knows what happened to her parents, and how she was basically responsible? I say that because it mentioned that he is usually freaking out when being in her presence, which means that he is afraid of her and isn't too fond of her in the first place. But it looks like he has put that aside to try and help her.

There's something about Jordan that I want to know. Obviously he is some kind of supernatural creature or he wouldn't be on the list. And he survived being caught on fire. That's not normal at all. There's just so much mystery on what both Eve and Jordan are. I mean, there was only a snippet of Eve and what happened to her and her family. I mean, she could be a vampire, zombie, anything. It just isn't entirely clear.

From what I read, the story is wonderful. I did notice a few grammar mistakes within the chapters, but I see that others have already pointed them out. I would suggest just reading the chapters again to catch any mistakes that might be there. But I think you've done a wonderful job at starting this story; you added a bit of mystery to the characters that I absolutely love. Good work!

I love the simplistic layout. It doesn't detract from the reading and is clean and crisp. The only thing I want to mention is the title on the gif is a little screwy. As for the summary, it definitely pulls me in. It is intriguing and well written.

I will say right now, I know nothing of Teen Wolf, so I am reading this purely as an outside party who doesn't know the base story. So if I misinterpret something or don't understand an event, I do apologize.

Chapter One:
Well, right off the bat, I am already noticing quite a few capitalization and grammatical mistakes, but I see insufferable has already mentioned the big ones.

Leaving me to deal with everyone else at the station and their fuck ups, groaning I reached... The way this is punctuated is wrong. The first part before the comma isn't a full thought like the second part. If you want to combine the ideas, I would recommend changing groaning I reached... to I groaned as I reached to make the two parts flow better.

My smile faded, he was right on that. This is another one that needs to be separated. They are two different thoughts and should either have a period or be combined by a semi-colon. Keep that in mind because there are a few other occurrences in the rest of the story. It ruins the flow of the story. Remember: commas are a pause in a continuing thought. Periods signal the end of thoughts. Semi-colons can combine two different thoughts as long as they have to do with each other.

All in all, I see potential for it, but I personally am having a very hard time of getting into it. I think it could have done with a little more detail and description of the characters and the situation(s). If anything, this doesn't feel like a first chapter. It feels like a Prologue.

Again, I think it's got potential. You just need to pay a little more attention to grammar, capitalization, and phrasing. Keep on keeping on!

Before I begin, I want to say that I haven't actually watched a lot of Teen Wolf. I've seen half the first season when it first aired, but other than that, I just haven't watched it, so if I get confused about anything, I'm sorry.

Anyway, onto the actual commenting:
I really love the summary. It brought me in and really pushed me to read the story, which I appreciated. The layout is quite beautiful as well.

Chapter One:
It didnt end well for him, tilting me head I licked the rest of the blood from my lips and knelt down to him. I think you meant my head instead of me head.

It was a list of name,: name should be plural. Also, in the same paragraph you mention Derek and Peter Hale, the H's in their last names should be capitalized.

If beacon hills is a town or school, you need to capitalize the b and h.

I found that this was extremely hard to get into. I would've liked to have seen more of an introduction on the characters included as well as more scene building. I didn't feel like I was there and it felt like you were telling rather than showing, if that makes sense. Your flow is decent, however I think it would be even better if you looked over the chapter and made some quick edits.

All-in-all, I see a lot of potential in this. Keep it up!

Why have I not read this story before?! I love Teen Wolf!

So, in that last chapter, is that de-aged Derek? Just a hunch

I really want to know what Eve is, I've been racking my brain to see if I can think of a creature with silver eyes! XD The only one I can think of is Wendigo, but she isn't showing signs of being hungry. Just blood thirsty.

Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

Need to read more soon!

I like how you've started this and I can't wait to see where you take it :)