Avery - Comments

  • warmaiden

    warmaiden (6085)

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    NaNoWriMo 2015
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    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    seeing that this is a sequel of alphabet of love & a prequel of another female's name, i can assume that this revolves that of a character who is more interested in a psychical connection & unemotional towards a higher, thought out relationship as the two week rule means he isn't one to be tied down. very interesting piece. i like how avery's sweet ways made him feel...odd in a sense? almost as if he hadn't been exposed to that & was strictly looking for sex & nothing more
    July 8th, 2015 at 01:21am
  • vaguethoughts

    vaguethoughts (100)

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    Member
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    Philippines
    The character was so stoic in telling about Avery that it becomes quite mysterious. I kept on thinking if there were feelings that was able to be picked up from the two weeks they had. The fact that he felt weird clearly meant something. You did a really amazing job!
    July 7th, 2015 at 06:47pm
  • This.Useless.Heart.

    This.Useless.Heart. (115)

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    Member
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    This is an interesting idea for a drabble. Am I correct in assuming this is part of some larger series? Because I can definitely see its potential as a series, like a drabble per girl (or person, I guess I shouldn't make assumptions.)
    I really like this though. I love the sort of slice of life feel it has to it. I like the tone of the piece as well, as other commenters have pointed out it is blunt and to the point, but I feel like there's a certain subtle sweetness to it as well. The narrator is clearly fond of Avery on some level; she just didn't work out as like a short fling thing very well. The narrator is indeed blunt about this and presents a rating of Avery, which could be seen as demeaning, but at the same time the narrator describes Avery so kindly and remains friends with her. I guess what I'm saying is I love how the narrator is portrayed as being blunt and in some ways distant and maybe even cold, but at the same time the narrator doesn't seem cruel or anything at least not to me.
    I don't know, man; I'm rambling now! XD I seriously really dig this drabble though!
    July 6th, 2015 at 09:01pm
  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

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    Ghoul of 2016
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    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    Blunt and unapologetic and indifferent. I loved this for those reasons alone. Most of the time, when it comes to something like this, there's this resonating feeling of guilt almost for not being content with this lover, but this, this was fantastic because the narrator isn't sorry, doesn't feel any guilt. They tried, it didn't work, so there's no point in lingering on it. The ratings at the end were just so cold and I loved it even then, despite the harshness to it. I just simply loved this to pieces.
    July 4th, 2015 at 07:07am
  • silent hearts.

    silent hearts. (1050)

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    Bibliophile
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    22
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    United States
    This is so blunt - I love it. There is no apology in the way that your main character describes the relationship. It's cold, it's clinical, and it's fantastic. There's something about the style of it that just makes you sit back as a reader and force yourself to process it as data, or information. This is very unique, and very well done.
    June 19th, 2015 at 05:21am